The Fightins'
An in-depth look at the Phillies bullpen issues
Posted by Mike Meech at 2:17 pm ET 55 Comments

Hey, guess what? The Phillies bullpen sucks, that’s what.

But I’m sure you didn’t need me to tell you that. Through twenty-six games so far this year, the pen (collectively) has a gaudy 4.46 ERA with 4 blown saves. As a matter of fact, the only two guys who have been worth a damn are Chad Durbin (12.1 IP, 2.19 ERA, 0 HR allowed, 9K, 5 BB) and Jose Contreras (7.2 IP, 1.17 ERA, 1 HR allowed, 14 K, 0 BB), but the rest of them? Garbage.

The worst of the bunch — BY FAR — has been Danys Baez. Let’s put it this way — In 10 IP in 2010, Danys has given up 9 earned runs; in 49 IP, Roy Halladay has given up 8. Now, I guess you could use that stat to point out how good Roy has been, but for the purposes of this post I want it to exemplify how sucky Baez has been.

Okay, now here’s the important question: Why have they been this bad? Is it some bad luck BABIP maneuver that will eventually even itself out? Is it a case of the dreaded “noodle arm?” Is it because they do dumb shit like kick a metal chair when they get aggravated?

Perhaps some of that plays into their suckage, but reader Chris Hoffman may have found a simpler reason:

I was out in Arizona last weekend for a couple of games and sat by the bullpen for one of them. I think I figured out the cause of the struggles they’ve been having. Check out the pictures, I think the team needs a new nutritionist.

You heard the man, check out the pictures.

A closer look:


If they’re not giving up runs, they’re gorging themselves with Nestle Crunch bars!

Now that I think about it, that’s probably the reason DJ Fatty Fat waddled out near the bullpen last night. He probably sniffed out their stash from Section 135. Now whip yourselves into shape, bullpen! Because at this rate, you’ll all be a bunch of Dennys Reyes’ by year’s end.

55 Responses to “An in-depth look at the Phillies bullpen issues”

  1. Adam Eaton says:

    THERE YOU ARE MEECH! Wait… Mike Meech? What happened to…Meech……one?

  2. Heather says:

    Apparently Reese’s peanut butter cups and Twix are the new amphetamines.

  3. Phan Stuck in nyc says:

    With all that sugar in them shouldn’t they be throwing fast balls at like 104?

  4. Phan Stuck in nyc says:

    Well into the the top of the 9th . . . damn.

  5. Heather says:

    Which reminds me, I was half watching the Mets broadcast of the Mets/Reds games today and the announcers blamed the banning of amphetamines for why players are dogging it in day games. Very unintentionally hilarious. I didn’t know you were allowed to say shit like that anymore.

    Give it to the Mets, blaming banning drugs for making the sport less exciting. Who knows, maybe they’re on to something.

  6. James Fayleez says:

    I blame the little fat monster with the handlebar mustache that hides out in the bullpen. I think you have to ply him with candy to use the facilities….

  7. Boobs says:

    Halladay has pitched 49 innings champ… message is the same though

  8. TonyIsDynamic says:

    I blame Herndon.

  9. Boobs says:

    the problem has been using for Baez for 2 innings, the 1st inning he is fine and afterwards he explodes. Common sense would say… use him for one inning! He also has yet to reach Tim Worrell status, so i’ll give him a break for now

  10. Griswold says:

    Looks like Tyler Walker forgot his gym bag in the Phil’s bullpen

  11. who the fuck is Mike Meech?

  12. Griswold says:

    Presumably it’s meech on a new, different account. Something happened to his other account yesterday. I think it got hacked or something.

  13. TonyIsDynamic says:

    TheFightins is having a wrestling-like storyline going on.

    Mike Meech is MeechOne under a new gimmick.

  14. That Guy says:

    i met Mike Meech last year outside a pub on 4th of July, he is so fuckin jacked, kinda scared me lol, but he’s really cool, my fuckin friend made us sound like retards tho, cuz he thought Meech had quit

    i thought that woulda made mike mad but it didnt so we survived haha

  15. GTO says:

    Annnnndddd he’s back.

  16. This Guy says:

    My friend once boxed Mike Meech dressed as a giant pancake on the steps of the Art Museum. True story. Oh, and Meech was dressed like Rocky. And they were surrounded by hundreds of other guys also dressed like Rocky. Anyways, he punched my friend in the face. Hard.

  17. crazy4swayze says:

    looks like it’s BYOTG for chad. or he already ate them all. either is possible.

  18. Willy Wanker says:

    It’s hard to throw breaking balls when you’ve got melted chocolate on your fingers.

  19. bacon says:

    too much chocolate. they need to TASTE THE RAINBOW.

  20. Muscles says:

    wouldn’t the chocolate make the ball break more?

  21. kurt says:

    Baez what are you doing? You’re pitching like Betty White out there!


  22. Phan Stuck in nyc says:

    That umpire from Mon night would call interference b/c of that chocolate. They could try white choc – that wouldn’t show.

  23. Guy on the Corner says:

    Danys always comes to see me before games


  24. Brandon says:

    Thats a hell of a lot of candy.

  25. Cole Handsome says:

    I once had a half bag of Skittles before a game. Of course, I ran a half-marathon to make up for it.

  26. DP says:

    Next time Doc pitches (complete game *cough*) and they get super bored, they can set-up the George Costanza candy line-up and see who scores highest.

  27. Todd Pratt's Tan says:

    Baez cost me some cash $$

  28. ThinkRed says:

    My God! That’s Mike Meech’s music!!!

    There’d better be ice cold beer under all that chocolate.

  29. Adam Eaton says:

    I can’t figure out this identity issue. I think we need him. You know HIM. The man we look to help us undersand the philosophy behind lifes lessons. A man we know as DaMustang1Holla. Shed some light brother. Much respect homey.

  30. Brian says:

    They’ve always had that pack full of candy down in the bullpen for the last several years at least.

  31. Steve Jeltz says:

    Thanks Meech! that was funny. They should at least have some healthy candy bars in there like Snickers and Take 5

  32. Eric says:

    I just don’t think the bullpen is THAT big of a concern. Is it nice to have a real good bullpen? Yea. Does anybody ever really get one? Not really. The only closer in all of baseball that is truly unhittable is Rivera. Other than that, every team has issues on any given night.

    Proof that our bullpen is a complete crapshoot: when we won the WS I think we had the best bullpen in the league. Is there a correlation there? I’m sure there is, but my point is that nobody thought Romero, Lidge, Durbin, and all of the other losers were capable of that. Last year it was Chan Ho Park for crisssakes that was our ace in the hole. This year it could be old man Contreras if he holds up. The important thing is that we have some arms that are still useful come October and they can get a few balls hit at people in timely situations.

  33. Phylan says:

    I just don’t think there is enough there. In 2008 Durbin, Romero, Lidge, Madson were all putting it together at the same time (albeit a rough second half for Durbin). Now we have Durbin and Contreras, and crap. I just don’t see enough capable arms to give them the innings they need when the 4/5 slots in the rotation are Moyer and Kendrick.

  34. Phylan says:

    Using “I just don’t think” to start my post as you did yours was unintentional, but weird, incidentally

  35. Jayson's beard says:

    Bad thing im not romero’s beard. if i was, i’ll indulge on the sensation of Mars bars.

  36. mvptommyd says:

    @Phylan: Logic says you are correct. But the Phils are ranked 19 out of 30 in Bullpen ERA. They are actually better than the Red Sox, Blue Jays and Angels who all have decent pens but haven’t put it together yet.

    Also, with Romero and Lidge coming back or back that will improve the pen. Along with Bastardo and Mathieson waiting in the wings if needed.

    Bottom line: No need to worry yet, still early and options are there.

  37. Phillie Phantics Grundle says:

    Did anybody else see that one fan tickle my grundle last night on TV?????

  38. Phillies Phanatic Grundle Tickler Witness says:

    I did. The Phanatic pounded him on the head pretty damn hard afterwards.

  39. Phylan says:

    Wait, so someone tickled the Phillie Phanatic’s Grundle’s Grundle?

  40. 85 says:

    We’re still all of 25 games into the season, so it’s not time to hit the panic button about the pen just yet. Having Blanton back will help lighten the load, and Kalas willing we’ll have Happ back before too much longer. Guys are nicked up, JC and Lidge, well… who knows what we’ve got with those guys. A few more IP from the starters, and a little more time for Charlie to figure out how he’s going to use the guys he has (i.e. using for Baez for ONE and ONLY ONE inning, like Boobs said at #9), and things will work themselves out.

    And if not, I say we go find Rheal muhfuckin’ Cormier.

  41. Joe D says:

    And now I know why Blanton was so happy coming out of the bullpen during the NLDS last year.

  42. Joe D says:

    @Boobs…nice work with the Worrell reference.

  43. Danny Glover as George Knox says:

    Yeah, you do Danys. You’ve got one strike left.
    [turns to dugout, Roger walks out flapping his arms like angel's wings]

  44. dUb-iLL says:

    Those candy bars aren’t for eating, they are for selling. Jose Contreras knocked on my door the other night and told me they are selling them as a fundraiser so the guys could get new steel-toe enforced cleats.

  45. Phylan says:

    How about instead of using Baez for 1 inning we use him for 0 innings.

    Or just DFA his ass and eat the dumbass 2 years guaranteed for that scrub

  46. mvptommyd says:

    Phylan, you just made me literally laugh out loud.

    I wish we could.

  47. Morandini Turned Three says:

    Not happy with a lot of guys in the pen right now, but this may be a reflection on the problems we’re having with the starting rotation. Relievers are being asked to pitch 4+ innings a night when the starter isn’t named Roy. That’s got to improve.

    Not letting the pen off the hook entirely, especially Baez and Madson. I guess there’s plenty of blame to go around.

  48. don says:

    As crazy as this sounds only the Cubs and Cardinals have gotten more innings out of their starters than the Phillies in the NL.

    Amazing the impact that one ‘Roy Halladay’ can have.

    Though to be fair Cole has gone 8 in two of his last 4 starts.

  49. Concerned Poster says:

    Mike…are you….okay?

  50. Unconcerned dickhead says:

    Mind yer business, assloaf.

  51. maria says:

    I think you lied Meech. I don’t see any Teddy Grahams.

  52. Chet Stedman says:

    Late night water balloon tosses from hotel rooms, repeated viewings of “Night Nurses From Jersey” and gorging youself with Clarke bars=shitty ass bullpens performances.

  53. spacecoyote says:

    The change from to Mike Meech is almost as confusing and frightening as when my dad finally shaved his moustache. Bring back the ‘stache, Meech!

    On an unrelated note, I think This Guy needs to include a little DaMustang1Holla in his act.

  54. James Anthony Happ says:

    This clearly explains Contreras’ 98 mph fastballs last night. Sugar rush!

  55. Fbomb says:

    They only had them because Danys Baez just did an ad for Snickers

    “Not going anywhere for a while? Grab a Snickers”

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