I’m (hopefully) back on a semi-normal routine after my latest foray into fatherhood. I solemnly swear to not bore you readers with wacky kid stories or give constant updates on his sleeping schedule, because Lord knows you don’t give a shit. But before I retreat back to anonymous blogger mode, I thought you may be interested to know the boy’s middle name.

Now, I’m of the belief that middle names are absolutely pointless. Never in my adult life have I used my middle name for anything besides legal documents, and I completely disregard the ‘Middle Initial’ box on every form I fill out. (I’m a cot damn outlaw, I know) For the past month-or-so, I’ve half-heartedly tried to convince my wife of this while simultaneously recommending ‘Fuqua’ as the middle name — as an homage to the leader of the World Fucking Champions, Charles Fuqua Manuel.

I’m not the nagging type, so I just casually threw it out there a few times and let her think about it. Then, mere minutes before we left the hospital, she agreed…

His middle name shall be Fuqua. Maximus Fuqua Milici.

I wish that was my fucking name.

***

And now, per usual… HYPERLINKS!

• It’s a fucking shame that the shit-dicks over at the FCC are ganging up on mutherfucking Chase Utley because of his use of foul language during the championship parade. Out of the estimated 825,000 people who watched/listened live, twenty-six of them filed complaints. TWENTY-SIX. And now there is going to be a full-fledged FCC investigation over the matter. I think I speak for everyone when I say: Fuck that shit. [Inquirer]

• Enrico The Great has the scoop on the latest crop of Phillies ballgirls for your oogling pleasure. Bad news? No more Christy G. (not like it matters; she’s engaged anyways) Good news? Gina Papili is back! [The 700 Level]

• In today’s edition of Laugh At The Mets, GM Omar MInaya informs us as to who persuaded him to overpay for Frankie Rodriguez — his 15 and 11-year old sons. “Dad, you gotta get K-Rod,” they told him. And like every successful GM, Omar heeded the advice of his offspring. Word on the street is, the last free agent the Minaya boys coveted this badly was Pedro Martinez. [National Post]

• ‘Duk over at Big League Stew is spreading his holiday cheer (it’s contagious!) and encouraging people to rally around the Toys For Tots program this year. Because of the economy — or perhaps the small, black, shriveled heart inside of your rib cage — the number of toys donated this year are staggeringly low. So do me (and the kids) a favor and instead of buying that World Series bottle opener that glows-in-the-dark, pick up some sort of toy that an underprivileged kid can enjoy this holiday season. Or if you sit in front of your computer all day, make a donation. All the cool kids are doing it. [Big League Stew]

• I’m usually not sucked into the “Let’s cast a movie about the 2008 Phillies!” type of posts, because most of the time, they are quite boring and uninspired, but a fellow who goes by B-Dawk’s ‘Weapon-X’ moniker over at FanNation did a pretty good job at filling the roles. My favorite? Rev. Jesse Jackson as Pedro Feliz. [FanNation]

And lastly, I’d like to congratulate myself on another incredible fantasy football season which came to an end last Sunday with my 3rd championship in the past 6 years. After a slightly above-average regular season that got me the 3-seed in the ‘offs, my super squad (known as the 40 LB. Box of Rape) consisting of a Donovan McNabb/Aaron Rodgers QB platoon, Adrian Peterson & Chris Johnson at RB, and Andre Johnson, Calvin Johnson & Dewayne Bowe at WR cruised through the postseason and won the SFFL Bowl by a whopping 26 points. The only bad news is now I have to nag my degenerate friends for the next 3 months to try and squeeze their entry fee out of them.

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