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Sep

2008

Anybody Wanna See Billy Wagner Cry?

Posted by meech.one at 12:36 am ET 27 Comments

Because I have footage of it.

Hey, Billy, do you think your son is ready for you to retire? Just curious.

Read More: Billy Wagner, eff the Mets, Video, WAAAAAAH, You Can Act Like A Man!

27 Comments on “Anybody Wanna See Billy Wagner Cry?”

Jeffrey Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Remember how we all used to love him and cheer when he came out of the bullpen and stuff? That was three years ago. A lot can change in three years. Bye bye, Billy.
Steven Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 2:36 am
You people are such stereotypes of yourselves. Only in Philadelphia would fans get entertainment out of seeing an opposing player in an emotionally vulnerable state. Really, I find it kind of sexist and/or heteronormative. Are women and gay men the only people in this society who are allowed to publicly display their emotions? I am sure no Philadelphia fan has ever cried in his or her life, because that would make you hypocrites.

The point I am really trying to make is that this blog is trash. Compare to, oh, I dunno, my blog. Here you can find a slew of shallow, pointless posts full of homophobic/sexist ranting, dick jokes, and racism that do nothing to contribute to an insightful discussion of baseball based on statistical analysis. At my blog, you can find sharp, well researched posts that draw on statistics that do something other than provide a forum/cesspool for the worst elements of Philly sports Phandom to come together and be their miserable, fat, disgusting selves.

It is pretty clear to me that when Al Gore invented the internet, he did not anticipate that the filthy, wooder-ice eating, Philadelphia scum would be smart enough to figure out how to use computers.
Matt P Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 6:38 am
I always appreciate a good he’s-crying zoom. Goes so well with the silence interrupted by camera’s clicking.
Dan Levy Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 8:43 am
I love how Steven comes in here to rip on this site. It’s a humor site, Steven. Let them be funny, and if you don’t like it, go away.

And besides, you write a NATIONALS blog. This is a Phillies and Mets issue, so why don’t you take your squirt gun and go home while the big boys piss on each other for a while.

(I hope to God that comment was a joke that I missed, and someone is playing a clever trick on the proprietor of firejimbowdenbecasuenobodycaresaboutbaseballinthenationscapital.blogspot.com. Otherwise, I have a feeling this won’t end well).
Chamomiles Davis Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Dan,

Let Steven rant. Our blog isn’t afraid to post negative comments unless they’re too extreme or incoherent. The more he uses the same cut-and-paste rip about Philadelphia fans, the more he undermines his own argument (if in fact “argument” is the right term to use in this case).

Besides, he’s just a Nationals fan. It’s like getting slapped by an newborn baby.
James Beale Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 9:19 am
two things.

1. schadenfreude is DEFINITELY my favorite fraud

2. C’mon Chamo, we can’t be afraid of negative incoherence here. It’s part of what made our city so great in the first place
Chamomiles Davis Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 9:53 am
“Negative Incoherence” sounds like the name of Jack White’s newest side project.
James Beale Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 10:00 am
well, that actually is terrifying
Joe B Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Can we get a count on how many of Steven’s posts start with, “You people are such stereotypes of yourselves. Only in Philadelphia would …”

His writing must be riveting, using the exact same openers time and time again.
Matt P Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Plus he forgot to point out how racist this post was. That’s how he won the last battle.
meech.one Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 10:32 am
@Joe B: Dare I say… Steven is becoming a stereotype of himself?

@Steven: At my blog, you can find sharp, well researched posts that draw on statistics that do something other than provide a forum/cesspool for the worst elements of Philly sports Phandom to come together and be their miserable, fat, disgusting selves.

In other words, your blog is boring as shit. I don’t blame you for coming here at 2 in the morning to comment on a random Billy Wagner post — it’s better than reading the statistical drivel on your site.
yellowbird Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 10:34 am
fuck billy wagner and fuck any named billy or wagner
Gigi Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 10:42 am
can you write a post about Steven? He’s become my new favorite train-wreck to watch.

Besides, the guy is checking up on your website about 8 times a day – that’s two less than me. He must be a HUGE fan!
Gigi Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 10:47 am
I even thought of a title for it!!!!

Steven from DC: All balls and no cock

subtitled: an over inflated bravado that is awkwardly lacking in substance.

You can fill it with haikus, limericks, uninformed half-truths about outfielders, and even have guest comments from elijah dukes! (I still think it was Steven posting under his alias)
Chamomiles Davis Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Gigi,

I think in doing so we’d run the risk of giving our Nationals fan undue notoriety.
Gigi Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 11:08 am

can’t you just imagine the commentary? I already wrote a 7-minute bit for my stand up special in Lower Merion next week.
Joe B Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Blah blah blab stereotype blah blah racist blah blah Philadelphia blah blah no class

I think that sums up the Steven story
yellowbird Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
steven—-do us a favor and bitch about the horrible camera angles at the nats stadium…..every time i watch a game it seems like i have a view from a plane flying overhead.

but maybe they figure thats how theyll get people in the seats.
FuquaManuel Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
So, last night I was sitting at my computer after a tough Phillies loss (and a tough Nationals loss — can those worthless fucks play spoiler to anyone but the Phillies?) and I was thinking of writing an over-the-top comment masquerading as Steven (which is very easy to do on the internet evidently). So, I borrowed a few of his catchphrases (”You are such stereotypes of yourselves”; “Only in Philadelphia…”), tried as best I could to emulate his writing style, and wouldn’t you know it, you all fell for it…hook, line, and sinker. I really expected either meech or Chamomiles (with their admin privileges) to notice the email I filled in the box did not match the one that had previously been used by Steven and sniff out the joke. But lo and behold, they fell for it too.

So, to sum up, I guess there are two things I would like to say:

1. To The Fightins regulars: gotcha!

2. To Steven: you are way too predictable son. Change your shit up.

May the Phillies, guided by our fearless leader Brett Myers, shut out the Marlins tonight!

Peace!
meech.one Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
YOU DICK!
Chadder Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Long time reader, first time commenter.

This is perhaps the single best comeuppance I’ve seen in the sports world in a long, long time. I would NEVER wish injury on a player, but Wagner is the kind of guy who brings any negative response to his situation upon himself. From trashing teammates (current and prior) to talking shit on rival teams, this guy has been asking for it for quite a while.

One word for you, Billy Boy: KARMA.

Eff the Mets. Go Fightins.
Joe B Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Fuqua is pure genius. Can you possibly, every fifth day, moonlight as a starting pitcher?
Jack Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Pretty effed up to celebrate a probable career-ending injury, regardless of whether you hate the guy or not. Even though he had talked trash about teammates, on the Phillies and on the Mets too, he was a pretty refreshing player to have around. He would be honest during interviews and give actual candid responses to questions that generally receive the pre-programmed boring responses most players give. Throw in the fact that from all accounts he’s always been nice to fans and a great father, it’s too bad this happened to him, whether you like him or not.

Also, Chadder, if you somehow think that this is a more appropriate karmatic injury than Shawne Merriman tearing his ACL and missing the season after cheating to reach the top of the NFL, you’re totally insane.
Bryan Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
mmm yes, cry for Stewie
Chamomiles Davis Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Jack,

I don’t think I would consider this post celebrating the injury.

But the end of seeing Wagner in a Mets uniform, or spouting off about Philly fans and his teammates in the sports section? Yes, that I will celebrate. (Although considering the way he was blowing saves before this happened, and the way the Mets bullpen has responded since, I may not want to.)

In any case, Wagner’s injury will soon be corrected through surgery, and then he can enjoy a healthy retirement where he’ll spend time with his kids, raising alpacas and living off of his millions of dollars. Forgive me if I don’t shed a tear about that!
Lynniemac Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
And don’t forget: he’ll be making somewhere in the region of $10 million while not pitching next season.
Chamomiles Davis Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Lynniemac,

Ah yes… the old “Matt Geiger” scenario.

(Happy birthday, you bearded fraud!)