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Your Lenny Dykstra Disaster Update
Posted by fuckthemets at 7:43 am ET 20 Comments

Who here thought it could get any worse for Lenny Dykstra? …(quiet enough that Jamie Moyer could hear a pin drop)…Well give yourselves a proverbial pat on the back! It’s been awhile since we checked up on ol’ Nails, so let’s sift through some of the latest wreckage.

A week ago, The Huffington Post reported a shockingly non-publicized story about Dykstra being sued for sexual harassment by a former employee. The document, originally obtained by The Smoking Gun, says Lenny called “Estate Manager/Personal Assistant” Jacqueline Massaro (whom he just hired) to drive 3 hours to his estate in Woodland Hills, CA. He was apparently drunk upon *his* arrival at 1 am, which was an hour after his assistant arrived. From The Gun:

When he got there, Dykstra, 47, yelled at her to get to work. Since it was nearly 1 AM, Massaro asked, “what he could possibly want her to do.” Dykstra, who played 12 Major League seasons and won a World Series championship with the New York Mets, then told Massaro to get the “fuck out of my house, it’s not going to work out, just leave.” Massaro contends that when she went to her room to pack for the return trip to San Diego, Dykstra came into the room and said, “So, you have nowhere to go, give me a blow job and you can stay the night.”

Massaro claims he then grabbed her breasts and pushed her onto the bed.  She screamed, then ran out of the house, presumably sans luggage, and drove back to San Diego. Some really, truly horrible stuff that, if true, that Met-born doucher should pay for. But because there’s literally been no coverage of this case, anywhere, I remain cautious in terms of it going too far.

Much more Nails-like,  Manhattan Style reported Thursday that The Dyke is suing JP Morgan for 100 million dollars for predatory lending. 100 million dollars.  You see, when he bought his 17.5 million dollar mansion, JP apparently promised him full financing. But that’s not what happened, according to Lenny.

…(Lenny) feels that he was duped by Washington Mutual, now owned by JP Morgan, into buying the home because he was promised 100% financing. At the last minute he claims the bank reneged and would only lend him 12.5 million, and he was forced to find secondary financing on the property. The inability to pay the interest on the two loans, coupled with the housing crisis forced Dykstra into a spiral of selling his remaining assets, most notably his interest in his car washes.

And as the article goes on to question, why the FUCK did he buy a 17.5 million dollar house on a claimed 1.2 million/year salary? Did he really love Wayne Gretzky that much? It was The Great One that unloaded his Sherwood CC home on him over 2 years ago.

So, does the suit come in response to the sexual assault allegations, to (successfully) change focus? Does he want the extra money to pay bail, pay for lawyers, or settle with Jacqueline Massaro out-of-court? Or is it just a culminating suit to shit on the financial ‘guru’ that trusted him enough to give him a daily spot in his online newspaper, Jim Cramer?  Well, we only know one thing, and we’ve known it for awhile: Lenny Dykstra is screwed.

20 Responses to “Your Lenny Dykstra Disaster Update”

  1. Watrick says:

    Damn. And to think, this city used to idolize him and Daulton…..

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  2. Jupiter's Rings says:

    Well there goes my childhood. Whooooosh.

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  3. Ozzie Virgil's Beard says:

    Saw an old episode of Jim Rome’s (pre-mustache) show on ESPN Classic one night……interview with Nails. He was as arrogant then as he is now. Talking about buying two $3000 bottles of wine, drinking one and calling it an investment. After Rome asks him how it could be an investment, Nails proceeds to explain he would sell the 2nd bottle for $6000 and make his money back. Shocking that this guy is a train wreck.

    And then he started talking about Macho Row and I got a little misty….

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  4. Tap the Tab says:

    Nails is definitely a Met on this one

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  5. Muscles says:

    Whoomp! There It Is

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  6. Kruks left nut says:

    The story i heard was this..The steriod abusing dykstra pulled his pants down and said how about a header?……to witch massaro looked @ nails little 8d common and said”no thanks i don’t smoke”

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  7. TC says:

    i thought pete incaviglia was his personal assistant? i guess the beard irritated him down there.

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  8. Jennifer Lopez says:

    That’s strange. When I angrily, drunkenly ask for blowjobs and violently grab the a girl’s bossom, the girl usually gets to suckin. I guess The Dyke is just one unlucky dude : (

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  9. GREEZY says:

    The 93 Phils were the most fucked up team of alltime. Dykstra, Daulton, Holllins its hard to beat that.

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  10. MaxL says:

    ‘86 Coke fiend Mets, GREEZY.

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  11. GREEZY says:

    Haha Max i agree that was a fucked up team but i was thinking more along the lines of mental instability rather than drug problems. I should have been more specific.

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  12. BD says:

    nails is goin to hell so quick hes gonna get a headrush

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  13. HummerX says:

    “lenny dykstra blow job” is my new favorite tag

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  14. ChickPhilA says:

    Oh Lenny, why must you continue to make me cringe. You were my favorite phillie of my formative years. Now I really don’t think I can wear your old maroon stripe jersey in public anymore with this latest crap. Boo.

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  15. an interest in car washes is not an asset, amirite?!

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  16. Gloria says:

    Poor Lenny lost his money and his mind.He needs a place to stay.Anybody???Can you buy him some drinks and drugs??Must be hard to have no friends no employees to scream at.If he was not such a dick maybe people would help him a little.He is a real bastard.

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  17. kenny junod says:

    hahaha get to work

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  18. WildThang says:

    I went to Became impressed with his 151-0 trading record. Watched the videos of his baseball highlights. Went to the members subscription page, filled out my CC info for a bargain $995 yearly rate, was looking for “Subscribe” button to finish my order, but all I saw was the “Suscribe” button. Oh wells… 8^)

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  19. Mike says:

    If Jim Cramer said that Lenny Dykstra is “one of the greatest” investors of all time, you cannot help think of Cramer’s manlove for this worn out bozo. Cramer sold his credibility when when got Dykstra to sign some memorabilia for Cramer’s sister. How Cramer fell in love with this guy is really incredible.

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  20. tony carfagno says:

    As Harry would say ” outta here “

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