The irrefutable proof:

Krystle is a West Chester University graduate who teaches 2nd grade elementary school and jet sets to Miami on the weekends with her guy friend, Ryan Howard.  According to her profile on Eagles.com, Krystle describes herself as a passionate, dedicated, loyal, and adventurous person who loves reading, and spending time with family and friends.

And her favorite superhero is Cat Woman.

That’s pretty much it.

From the creative team at MMA-outfitter and preferred clothier of Phillies all-star Shane Victorino comes this not-yet-available, limited edition Silver Star Flyin’ Hawaiian Signature Collection t-shirt.  And while I say they aren’t available yet, they are taking pre-orders NOW and if you purchase your shirt soon, you can expect to have it shipped out by February 14th.

Here’s the product description:

From the inspiring mind of Phillies All-Star and 2X Gold Glove winner Shane Victorino comes the latest Signature Tee. Called the Flyin’ Hawaiian for obvious reasons, this high quality 30-singles tee has jumbo graphics on front and back and is available in two colorways

And here’s a detailed shot (click image for even MORE detail!):

As you can see, not only does the shirt say “Flyin’ Hawaiian” in bold tattoo-ish letters, but Shane’s home state of Hawaii is prominently featured between the wings that are growing out of the temples of the tribal skull.  And if you look real close, you will notice some type of goo oozing from the skull’s eyes.  I won’t even venture a guess as to what it signifies, but I’ll tell you one thing — IT’S FUCKING BADASS.

I can’t think of a more fitting t-shirt that encompasses the man that is, Shane Victorino.

So order quick, before they’re all gone.

Here was the letter:

Your use of this clip is permitted starting today through February 15 , 2010. Any use thereafter must be cleared again with TMZ.

It may not be used as file footage unless permission is granted by TMZ.

In addition, the TMZ bug must remain onscreen and unobscured for the duration of the clip and verbal credit must be given to TMZ in the track or clip’s introduction. You as well as use on your website, provided a MANDATORY link to TMZ’s sports category (http://www.tmz.com/category/tmzsports/) is in the article. Please note the above rights are for within the US and Canada.

No international usage is granted on all releases with our exclusively owned photos/video.

Please confirm that you agree to these terms & conditions.

Alright — I’m allowed to post it today (check!), I’ve kept the TMZ bug unobscured for the duration of the clip (check!), alls I need now is the link (which, technically, I already did in the blockquote), verbal credit in the clip’s introduction, and to make sure no foreigners use it.

Well, I’m not trained well enough in the art of video-creating to put verbal credit before the clip, so to make up for that I’ll put the link in all caps, bolded, and blinking.

Now that the legalities are out of the way, enjoy this :35 second video of a TMZ cameraman begging Ryan Howard not to hit too many homers vs. the Dodgers this year and asking the big man what the Dodgers chances are in 2010 now that Matt Kemp is dating Rihanna.

See, it was totally worth it. AND IT IS VIA TMZ SPORTS.

Pic, along with “Just spotted Shane Victorino sitting behind Chuck Liddell at tonights UFC fight. I’m sure he’s being a dick to absolutely everyone in there while marketing his new t-shirt line”, via the watchful eye of Fightins commenter Adam Eaton…or was it Adam Eaton? He has the time.

Right.

So Howard did just that. On Friday, Big Brown spoke with Mike Missanelli of 97.5 The Fanatic (Philly’s FIRST fm sports-talk station!), Mike Francesa of WFAN New York (WARNING: Mike’s annoying voice starts immediately after clicking that link) as well as a LIVE! interview with CSNPhilly.com (Which can be found under the Phillies tab HERE) and probably half of the zany hosts on “Radio Row” (like here, with The Executioner!)

Surely sick of all the horrible, repetitive questions asked in those countless interviews, Ryan stepped out on the town Saturday Night to do some MIA partying, and he brought along (what appears to be) his girl. 

Aren’t *they* cute all holding hands and shit:

(pic via Bossip)

Click here to view the embedded video.

Their scores as of February 6, 2010:

Todd Zolecki +2

Bocock signing, Amaro turns off the stove

Scott Lauber +2

Contreras signing, Villareal signing

John Finger +1.5

Morandini special ST guest instructor, Snowpocalypse

Matt Gelb (for Andy Martino) +1

12 ST games will be televised

Jim Salisbury +1

Bonus point for tweeting 4 times in less than 30 minutes

Although my uniform may look different, the heart of a competitor still beats beneath its logo, and the batting-practice arm of a warrior fills the right sleeve. Banish me to Houston, will you, Mr. Amaro? Fine. Ed Wade and I have a message, and you and those other fools back in Philly better listen up: Today is the day I plot my revenge on the team that made me a champion.

While the Phillies were shooting their wad winning division titles and a World Championship, the Astros (aka, my NEW favorite team) were patiently waiting their turn, not wishing to draw attention to their plan of dominating the National League in 2010 and beyond. What plan, you ask? Why, nothing less devious than pretending to appear to other teams as a mediocre franchise, not wishing to reveal their true potential by cleverly finishing fifth in a six-team division. It’s a classic Wadian tactic, and you guys fell for it! Suckers.

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Now it’s time for revenge, and you better believe that, much like my awesome chin beard, the list is growing every day. Here’s just a brief sample of those who should get ready to tremble in their shoes…

1. Charlie Manuel. How dare you pull me from a game just as I was hitting my stride? I do my best work when the bases are loaded and I’ve surrendered three home runs in five innings! “Manager?” Pfft. More like micro-manager.

2. Ruben Amaro, Jr. Bad mistake cutting me loose, amigo. I’m the kind of pitcher franchises are built around, and you’re about to learn that fact the hard way when I step on the mound against that squad of losers you’ve chosen to keep. Watch as I lull your precious Ryan Howard into a state of complacency by allowing him to hit home runs in his first three at-bats! That’s when the Brettster shifts into “lock-down mode,” and when that happens there is nowhere to hide, my friend.

3. Cole Hamels? I’m gunning for you. Now who’s going to hold your hand and dry those precious little lady-tears when the game isn’t going your way? I can’t believe I had to lie to those press weasels and tell them we weren’t fighting during the World Series because you gave up on your teammates. Better hope you don’t face me this year, because I have a gift-wrapped inside fastball with your dainty little name on it.

4. Jose Manero, assistant locker room attendant. You know what you did.

That’s just a taste. As for you Phillies fans out there, take heed: Your team just made a deal with the Devil. Letting me go and signing Roy Halladay tells me you guys simply aren’t committed to winning in the long term. Like a tightly-coiled cobra that figured out how to hold a baseball glove, my Houston teammates and I (who are now total buds, by the way — we go hunting and everything) are going to strike at you with our mighty bat-fangs.

I’m more focused than ever, too. No more out-of-control rage for this flamethrower! Now, whenever I feel like peppering someone with obscenities or throwing a punch, I just reach into my wallet and take out a picture of my beautiful wife. Then I punch that. Crisis averted.

I remember sitting in Ed Wade’s office just moments after signing my new contract. We were smoking cigars, swirling our whiskey glasses, and just cackling with joy over how we were going to make Philly regret cutting me loose. After a few seconds I stopped laughing, but Eddie kept on going.

“Why are you still laughing, Ed?” I had to ask. He said, “Oh, I just remembered this really funny joke I heard at the owners’ meeting last year.” “How does it go?” I asked him. “I’d love to tell you,” he said, “but I traded the rights to that story for two ‘knock-knock’ jokes and a bad pun.” Heh. That’s old Eddie for you.

So be warned, Philadelphia. We dominated you guys last year, and once we figure out how to beat the other 14 teams in the National League, the Astros will be darn near unstoppable.

Mark my words: You will all, each and every one of you, rue the day you cheered me as I rode on top of a parade float and gave me the best memories of my career. I swear it!

If there is one thing that the last two seasons of Phillies baseball proved, it’s this: Dominance can be fleeting. For proof, look no further than Cole Hamels. He was one of the biggest reasons the Phillies won it all in 2008, and ironically, one of the biggest reasons they didn’t win it all in 2009.

He went into last season fresh off a career year, his second full season in the majors, that saw him best opposing teams to the tune of a 3.09 ERA over 227.1 innings. Then October rolled around, and things really got going for the lefty. In five games, he went 4-0 with a 1.80 ERA en route to winning both the NLCS and World Series MVP awards, while leading the Phillies to their first title since 1980, thus completing his journey from coveted prospect to staff Ace.

We all know what happened next: The limelight, television appearances, cover stories, a new wife, a new condo, a poor off-season training program, an injury to start 2009, 12 earned runs in his first nine innings, a few good starts, a great start, some bad starts, a few more good starts, bad start, great start, bad start, bad start, playoffs and more bad starts, the questionable walk to Mark Teixiera, the even more questionable two-run tater to Alex Rodriguez, the curveball to Andy Pettitte, game over, Cole wanting it all to end. And it did.

And as spring training approaches, the question remains: Where does that leave Cole?

Well, if you ask MLB.com’s Hal Bodley, it’s somewhere far, far behind Roy Halladay…

But with Halladay replacing Lee at the top of Philadelphia’s rotation this coming season, it might be only slightly better than it was when it lost to the Yankees in six games. After Halladay, it’s Cole Hamels, J. A. Happ, Joe Blanton.

There’s a huge drop-off after Halladay as it was in the World Series last year with Lee — a key reason why the Yankees prevailed.

Granted, Roy is a better pitcher than Cole, at least for right now, but a “huge drop-off?” Hardly. While Cole got a sound beating from the opposition in 2009, it’s very unlikely that he repeats that performance.

And to answer my question: Cole is the Ace. Er. Co-Ace, that is. Right next to Roy.

Don’t laugh.

Despite his struggles last season, Cole Hamels is still one of the best pitchers in the game. If the season started tomorrow, there are no less than 12 teams that Cole could conceivably get the Opening Day nod on. Not only that, but he would be the best pitcher on those teams, too.

Think I’m crazy? Think again.

Our good friend over at The Phontiersman wrote a nice little piece on Cole last season…

It’s not an overwhelming case, but a fair portion of the numbers suggest that Cole’s 2009 seasons was as good as – if not better than, in some aspects – his 2008 campaign.

Perhaps a tad bit of hyperbole, but it’s backed up with numbers that insinuate that Cole had such a rough go of it last season due to things he couldn’t control, namely BABIP (batting average of balls in play), which basically makes the case that Cole suffered from bad luck and bloop hits more than anything else. His BABIP in 2007 was .282. It dropped to .262 in 2008. In 2009, it ballooned to .321.

The article continues…

If you watched Hamels’s last three or four starts, Friday’s jaunt against Colorado included to an extent, you probably noticed how poorly-hit balls often made Cole the victim. Well, that small sample has, essentially, been a microcosm for all of 2009: lots and lots of end-of-the-bat bloops with an irregular home run thrown in for good measure.

Translation: Cole was paper-cut to death.

Continuing on in this article, we find out that Cole allowed slightly fewer homers per nine innings in 2009 (compared to 2008), and struck out and walked the same number of hitters per nine. In other words, three big statistics that go a long way in determining how good a pitcher is would lead you to believe that Cole was actually better (and at worst, the same) as he was in 2008.

In fact, the only significant jumps for Hamels was the number of hits he allowed per nine (7.6 to 9.6) and the increase in BABIP (.262 to .321). Keep reading, and you’ll see that the defense behind Hamels was worse in 2009, although he allowed fewer line drives, while inducing more ground balls and infield fly balls, which leads us to the conclusion of the article…

Combine all of this, and you’d figure that Hamels’s ERA should have been closer to his 2008 figure of 3.09, and you’d be right. His xFIP for 2009 was 3.75: exactly 0.03 points lower than his xFIP for 2008. That stat, xFIP, is what a pitcher’s ERA “should” be, given his peripheral stats and normalizing his home runs allowed.

In layman’s logic, based on Cole’s peripheral stats, his 2009 season should have been better 2008. Think about that.

So what does this mean? Meh, who knows. The stat heads will say that Cole was the victim of bad luck, while the old school types will say that Cole is a victim of himself and some bad baseballin’.

Personally, I think it was a combination of both. It’s no question that Cole was often on the receiving end of some weak singles and rally-extending bloops (much to the delight of Mr. Chip Carey), and there is no doubt that his heavy work load in 2008 took a toll on him. Combine that with an admittedly poor training program before the 2009 season, plus a few early injuries, and you have the ingredients for a perfect storm of mediocrity.

Whatever the case may be, there is no reason that Cole Hamels can’t go toe-to-toe with Roy Halladay in 2010. While Roy’s career stats speak volumes about the type of pitcher that he is, consider that Cole is still a youngster. Really. 2010 will be only his fifth big league season, and only the fourth that he is on the roster come opening day.

What I’m trying to say is this: Don’t count out Cole before the season starts. While everyone is gaga over Cliff Lee and his departure to The Emerald City, let’s not forget that we have our own left-handed Ace right under our noses.

Then boy, do I have just the thing for you!

Coming this May to a toy store near you (I think) is the MLB Series 26 McFarlane action figures which includes the one and only Roy Halladay of the Philadelphia Phillies.  According to Mr. McFarlane’s website, the Halladay figure is COLLECTOR LEVEL ONLY (whatever that means), so I’m assuming you will have to pay money to join some special McFarlane sports figure fan club, in turn giving you first dibs on all COLLECTOR LEVEL ONLY releases.  But really, I haven’t the foggiest idea. If you want it so bad, find out for yourself. 

Or must I do everything for you?