G-G-G-G-G-G-GHOSTS! Holy shit! Run, Scoob!

I heard a theory that “Coste’s Ghosts” are actually the disembodied spirits of those who used to be “Sal’s Pals.” If so, it’s comforting to know that the afterlife has been much, much kinder to them.

Still, it seems like a dick move on the part of the Phillies organization to keep charging them for tickets. Do you know how hard it is to earn money when you can’t actually touch anything? Forget about it.

Photo courtesy of the extraordinary Flickr page of Harpo42

Trump University: Now featured in Radar Magazine’s list of “America’s Worst Colleges!”

And just like everything Charlie does, it wound up being the correct move. No balls were hit to Ruiz that inning (Beltran grounded out to Rollins followed by Delgado & Tatis K’s) so Eric Bruntlett was available to pinch-hit for Brad Lidge in the bottom half and stay in the game at 3rd. Eric B. (for President) then thwacked a double to right-center, allowing Jayson Werth to score from first and tie the game up at 7.

Once again, Charlie Manuel > Jerry Manuel.

In the fifth inning, when the Fightins’ were in the midst of coming back from their early 7-0 deficit, Ryan Howard jumped on an outside fastball delivered by the no-longer-intimidating Pedro Martinez. The astute CW57 cameraman must have been scoping out the angriest of the Metro fan prior to the blast, and immediately cut to a volatile gentleman who most likely dropped some major cash for a first row seat. Around the :22 second mark, you can clearly see Mr. Temper mouth some expletives before becoming so enraged, he just gets up out of his seat and walks out.

hahahaah:

“Hey. It’s brad. Now that the mets are spanking them no need to guest post.”

At 9:42 PM (when the Phillies cut the lead to 7-6):

“Okay. I take it back.

“Too late,” I replied. Didn’t these Mets fans learn anything from last year?

More on this later…

The following slideshow contains the 1970’s version of 6 of the 9 starters (I couldn’t find Werth, Dobbs, or Coste) on the 2,759 square foot plasma Philips TV — just like the one they had at The Vet over 30 years ago.

Enjoy Jimmy Rollins getting his Rick James on, Chase Utley looking like Reuben Kinkade, Ryan Howard in Huggy Bear attire, Shane Victorino as a goatee’d lesbian, Geoff Jenkins is Bob Ross, and Kyle Kendrick as a strange Lloyd Christmas/Sgt. Pepper hybrid. With bonus shots of an afro’d Chris Coste during his post-game interview and Kendrick’s Hendrix, which should be pluralized.

I say next 70’s Retro night they stay truer to the theme and break out the ‘Saturday Night Specials‘, hand out free tabs of LSD, and promote unprotected sex. Groovy!

Some photos taken (with love) from the Baseball Fever messageboard.

Good. Because this Thursday night, when the Cubs and Phillies kick off their all-important 4-game series at Wrigley, everyone’s favorite colorman will be singing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” during the 7th inning stretch. Incredible, right?

Sure, the whole idea of performing this song at The Friendly Confines is to root for the Cubbies, but being that he resides in Chicago and used to play for the North Siders means he gets a temporary one-day pass. Just make sure you’re in front of your TV after the Phillies bat in the 7th inning — I guarantee it’ll be fantastic. And if you somehow miss it, rest assured: I’ll have the video up by Friday morning.

Below, you will find a clip of Sarge and Scott Franzke from WPHT 1210 last night where Sarge announces his new gig and exclaims, “The worst you are, the better they like it.” Below that is a tremendous photo from the 7th Annual Gary Maddux BBQ Challenge, apropos of nothing.

Download audio file (SargeWrigley.mp3)

Audio: Sarge talks about singing at Wrigley

(A tip of the fedora to jstudent over at Philly Edge for the heads-up)

In one of his latest shovelfuls of hypertexcrement, “Philly’s boo babies bark, can’t take Rollins’ bite,” Gregg agrees with Jimmy Rollins’ public assessment of Phillies fans as front-runners. Also, it would appear that Doyel has never heard boos before. These noises must frighten and confuse him, compelling him to write a column about it. Now, here’s what this genius postulates about us “babies”:

“Look, Philly fans, you can’t have it both ways. If you’re going to dish it, you have to be able to take it. Flick a player in the nose all you want, but when one of them flicks you back, you have to smirk and let him know it didn’t hurt. Otherwise, you’re nothing but a schoolyard bully — strong because you have all that size, but weak as soon as someone fights back.”

Oh, my, where to begin dissecting this brilliant editorial deduction? OK, here’s what Doyel believes:

1. Players, who are paid to play a game in front of paying fans for entertainment purposes, are not allowed to be booed if they fail to perform up to expectations. (Like, for instance, jogging to first base on what could have been a double.)
2. If said players are booed for this reason, they are allowed to appear on national talk shows and complain about how mean those fans are. Apparently this is “a show of guts” for “speaking the truth.”
3. If said player bad-mouths the fans and continues to under-perform, the fans may only sit, clap politely and tacitly acknowledge their effort.
4. Gregg Doyel is an insightful columnist who in no way sounds like a ranting jackass.

Which of the above statements are correct? It’s a trick question: None of the above statements are correct.

Now, if I was a cynic I would say that Gregg Doyel is relying on a timeless tradition of lazy journalists known as “On A Slow Day, Bash Philly Fans.” This is a great topic for op-ed writers who do not hail from Philadelphia and have no idea what it’s like to be jerked around time and time again by incompetent ownership and players who don’t seem to give a damn about how they play or whom they play for. Apparently, according to Doyel, we fat, gutless slobs are just supposed to be happy to be there.

By trashing us with this garbage heap of an editorial, Doyel has cleverly accomplished two things:

1. Raised the ire of Philly fans, who can’t believe that this shite actually gets published and that Gregg Doyel gets to collect a paycheck for it.
2. Played to the prejudice of moronic fans from other cities. “Dear Gregg: Hellz yeah, buddy! Philly fans are teh suck!”

There’s a fine line between clever and stupid, and Gregg Doyel has straddled it with this pointless, groundless and quite frankly, gutless column.

Hey, Gregg, for your lack of effort: BOOOOOOO. Your nose has been flicked.

So says Charlie Manuel and pitching coach Rich Dubee “You Be?” to the floundering Kyle Kendrick. Tonight’s game, the first in a four-game rematch against the Los Angeles Dodgers, is Double-K’s first start since returning from a disastrous road trip to the West Coast.

Earlier this month, against L.A. and then the Padres in San Diego, Kendrick was lit up for at least six runs in both starts. The dugout diagnosis is that he is reluctant to throw strikes early on, preferring to have the batter take swings at pitches that fall everywhere but over the plate.

Knowing this, however, smart batters will choose to wait until Kendrick puts himself in a 2-0 hole and is forced to throw a strike. Then the fireworks begin, and it’s another short night for Kyle.

Sooner or later, everyone goes through a slump. (Right, Chase/Ryan/Jimmy?) With pitchers, who only work once every five games, these downward trends stand out more conspicuously, and a couple of bad starts in a row can really mess with the confidence of even the best pitchers (see Sabathia, C.C.). The only person on Earth who can restore Kendrick’s confidence is Kyle himself.

As if to mess with us, the Padres traded Greg Maddux to L.A., just in time for him to make his second appearance of the season in Dodger Blue. Maddux does quite well against Philly, in case you haven’t heard. This means not only does Kendrick need to focus on the strike zone, but the slumbering offense needs to wake up and supply him with some crucial run support.

Game time is at 7:05 PM. The Mets are hosting the mediocre Astros this weekend. Santana’s on the mound for New York tonight. Now is not the time to lose any further ground. Last season was fun but that kind of thing happens rarely… even more so for the Phillies.

ROOT ‘EM IN!

The other night, a hideous man was photographed in the stands at the Phillies game while undergoing the process of transforming into a werewolf. Normally, the wolfman is very careful during nights where there is a full-moon and doesn’t often subject itself to the horror of lycanthropy in crowded places such as baseball stadiums. I didn’t see any mention of it in the paper the following day, so for everyone’s sake, I hope they shot him with a silver bullet.

Photo by Flickr member promohthree