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Oct
15
2009
Playoff Diary: NLCS Predictions
Posted by dmac at 2:42 pm ET 169 Comments

Phillies.Clinch.2009.NLDS

Whew. That was pretty exciting, wasn’t it? I’m still recovering (mentally and physically) from Monday night’s 5-4 comeback win over the Rockies, a victory that sent the Phillies into the NLCS for the second straight year. It’s amazing, really: The Phillies, who have spent most of my life being an absolutely horrid team — my grandfather used to tell that old joke about how they’re the strongest team in the National League, because they’re always holding everyone else up at the bottom — are now in the NLCS! Again! I’m still trying to wrap my head around this.

And, of course, it’s time for a prediction. The obvious answer here is Phillies in 5, because I can’t make lame jokes about how these games are going to finish for more than five games. (For the record, before the postseason I picked the Phillies in 6.)

Game 1
This is the one the Phillies are going to lose, unfortunately. Cole Hamels, who will drive out to the mound on his Camaro, will celebrate his return to the NLCS by giving up a home run to some crappy player, as he seems to have done all season. Let’s say Dodgers, 6-3. The New York Times’s game recap will mention how we are one step closer to the first ever performance-enhancing drug free World Series. Larry Bowa celebrates the NLCS Game 1 win by calling a reporter over to a side room and sucker-punching him as he enters (this actually happened, when Bowa was a Phillies SS).

Game 2
The Phillies fight back with… oh, let’s say, Pedro Martinez on the mound. After giving up a first-inning three-run homer, Martinez shuts down the Dodgers and the Phillies rally for a 7-4 victory. After Jimmy Rollins hits the go-ahead homer, Shane Victorino celebrates by saying, “Fuck yeah, mofos! I’m gonna be celebrating this crazy fuckin’ win all night!” TBS plays the video three times.

Game 3
The series returns to Philadelphia and Cliff Lee tosses a complete-game shutout and a 4-0 win for the Phillies. TBS’s Chip Caray announces postgame that the Dodgers have taken a 3-0 series lead with their incredible 15-12 victory tonight, thanks to four homers by Jackie Robinson. The Phillies’ newest fan club, the Lee Pack, celebrates.

Game 4
The Phillies coast in this one, 10-5; in other good news for those of us watching at home, George Lopez’s late night talk show is canceled before it begins and the avocado goes extinct.

Game 5
What else? The Phillies win this one, 7-5, on a 2-run homer by Matt Stairs in the bottom of the eighth. Brad Lidge closes out the game and celebrates by calling Rob Neyer into a side room offering him out for continuing to harp on how bad he was all season. (That’s the job of Phillies’ fans!) The Phillies’ new newest fan club, the Hamels Flotilla, celebrates. The Times laments that noted drug-free player Manny Ramirez will not make the World Series; ESPN attempts to hold its own alternate Series after the Yankees are, too, eliminated by a walkoff walk by Bobby Abreu (ALCS stats: 0-0, 20 BBs).

These predictions accurate or your money back. Let’s go Phils!

Each day(-ish) during the postseason, Dan McQuade will write about the Phillies’ chance at a second straight World Series title. You can usually read his thoughts on baseball at Walkoff Walk. He posted part of this as a draft, accidentally, with only about half of it done, at first. He thinks it was funnier then.

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169 Comments on “Playoff Diary: NLCS Predictions”

  1. Phylan Says:

    Prediction: http://i36.tinypic.com/kw2l3.jpg

  2. dmac Says:

    Oh, man, that’s excellent. And much more plausible than my prediction.

  3. Lynniemac Says:

    Is it 8:00 yet?

  4. Tony Is Dynamic Says:

    I lol’ed IRL at least 4 times going through that. Thanks bro.

  5. Gonzo Says:

    Is it 8:00 8:07 yet?

    /TBS’d

  6. Gonzo Says:

    Yankees are eliminated by a walkoff walk by Bobby Abreu

    Cue the mother effin shrimp!

  7. martin atchet Says:

    the phils have owned kershaw in his brief career. i say we continue to own him and take game one.

  8. jd Says:

    how incredible would it be if both the yanks and dodgers are eliminated(knock on wood).

    besides 30 minute long puff pieces on that angels player what died in the beginning of the season, ESPN might do some actual reporting.

    might. who am i kidding. they’ll just up the coverage to preseason basketball.

  9. MWU Says:

    I almost died reading the game four prediction about George Lopez and the Avacado… sounds like a fable the way I put it there… bobby abreu’s stat line is pretty good too, would it be good enough for an ALCS MVP nod?

    i see phillies in 6, mostly so we can rub it in the Dodger’s fans’ faces by winning on their turf again. :D

  10. Manny Ramirez's Juice Says:

    PHILLIES IN 5!!!!!!! WOOT WOOOT WOOOOT! FUCK LA!!!!

  11. Colin_K Says:

    If a woman ever left me at the alter to go watch George Lopez, you can hang me, then you can kill me…wait a minute, I take that back, good riddance you C!

    I guess the kids show on Nik about him being a camp counselor wasn’t working out, what a maroon…

  12. Colin_K Says:

    Oh yeah, Philthies in 5…how schweet it is.

  13. Lynniemac Says:

    Is it 8:00 8:07 yet?

    /TBS’d

    I’ll stand by my 8:00 even if I can’t do spiffy italics, strikethroughs, and boldface. I do not recognize TBS’ concept of time.

  14. will.H Says:

    im actually tunning in at 8:00 as well. im really intersted in what chip carey has to say

  15. Jdashdog Says:

    Phlyan, that is some excellent shit there. I too lol’d IRL.

    I had a really good feeling about tonight. I hope you’re wrong dmac, I really do. I’m not sure I can deal with an L tonight. I really hope Cole doesn’t pitch like a bitch tonight. He owes us after his last performance.

  16. James Fayleez Says:

    Did you guys know the Dodgers bullpen built an entire city out of popcorn and matchsticks?

    They are OUTSTANDING!!!

    /Gruden’d

  17. Fightins Newbie Says:

    pre game actually starts at 7:30….you have to sit through both teams introductions…

  18. DP Says:

    Add this to Game 5 predictions:

    “Game 5: Ugueth Urbina is released by Venezuelan authorities just in time for Ugy to attend the post-game 5 World Series victory celebration mayhem at Frankford & Cottman. Ugy is later arrested and charged with arson, destruction of public property, attempting to injure a police horse with a machete, and also attempt to pour gasoline on the police horse and set it on fire.”

  19. Tony Is Dynamic Says:

    Seriously though, hoping avacados go extinct? That’s bush league buddy.

    Who puts fucking avacados on BURGERS anyway?

  20. maria Says:

    Tony, I do NOT do that, but it sounds good.

  21. maria Says:

    Also, I refuse to make any predictions, but don’t mind reading everyone else’s. dmac, I really hope you’re wrong about tonight.

  22. Phylan Says:

    Also you will all be shocked shocked shocked to know that tonight’s home plate umpire has a really tight and very inconsistent strike zone!! Check this bullshit out: http://tinyurl.com/yf8t6dx

    This is going to be painful.

  23. maria Says:

    @Phylan, that is awesome. Can anything be as bad as what we saw from Meals?

  24. bigmyc Says:

    Don’t like your candor about that first game…still, not poorly thought out. Still, you couldn’t have done more with the Lee pack thing?; like say, “Lee’s Bees,” or some other campy line?

  25. tofoomeister Says:

    Phylan, those charts have to be at least a little inaccurate. There are red dots on balls two feet outside and a foot off the plate. Maybe some of those are check swings?

  26. bigmyc Says:

    They have to be breaking pitches which he evidently, thought caught the plate.

  27. will.H Says:

    cb bucknor is still the worst umpire in baseball. id love to see his little dotties

  28. Gonzo Says:

    Wow, that chart is SICK.

    WillH: Don’t understand how he gets playoff games.

  29. Dutch Daulton's Comb Over Says:

    phils in 5

  30. Phylan Says:

    Believe it or not the ridiculous outlying red dots are called strikes that he somehow thought caught the plate. Like bigmyc said they’re more than likely breaking pitches, which a lot of umpires are just plain bad at reading (sup CB)

  31. PhillyCuban Says:

    lol, on Around the Horn(which is awful if you want to hear anything intelligent anyway) Plashke, who works for the LA Times, his first point for the Dodgers winning the series was the Phillies havent hit a HR off Kershaw all year…at least Reali called him out for it. Then Woody Paige backs him up because he covers them, “not that other team”

  32. Phylan Says:

    By the way I won the second chance lottery for game 3 standing room only tickets, ballin

  33. alex Says:

    if the dodgers even dream they can beat the phillies they better wake up and apologize

  34. OutlawPete Says:

    Live game blog? We are 3-0 with one, 0-1 without it

  35. Alexander Says:

    No matter where I go for any coverage of this series, the talk is about this Dodgers bullpen, and how its why they will win. It’s laughable. Let’s just avoid every other aspect of this mediocre team, shall we?

  36. BigMiles Says:

    If Pete Happy and Chooch can get some big knocks against Kershaw this game should be ours. I think its the difference tonight.

  37. dlhunter Says:

    Eric Bruntlett will be the key to this series. You’ll see! You’ll all see! (Digresses into hysterical laughter and frenzied mumbling).

  38. Gonzo Says:

    No live blog from me tonight. It’s exhausting.

  39. Jack Handey Says:

    Whenever anyone says

    “I can’t,”

    It makes me wish
    he would get stung to death
    by about ten thousand bees.

    When he says,

    “I’ll try,”

    five thousand bees.

    “I can,”

    One bee.

  40. Lynniemac Says:

    @Gonzo: If they lose because of no live blog…

  41. OutlawPete Says:

    Zolecki said Stairs was booed by a sparse Dodger Stadium crowd

  42. maria Says:

    @Outlaw Pete,

    1. I’m surprised LA fans know who Matt Stairs is.
    2. I love it.

  43. dlhunter Says:

    Franzke should get to call all 9. TMac just breaks up the flow up the game, not to mention gives me indigestion.

  44. Gonzo Says:

    i will not take the blame for a loss. But if someone wants to run a blog so as to avoid a jinx, I am all for it.

  45. Daniel Says:

    Dodgers in 6. Your bullpen won’t last.

  46. Lynniemac Says:

    Relax, Gonzo. It was a joke – sorry.

  47. Gonzo Says:

    Nah, I’m cool. I sounded dickish there. my bad.

  48. Gonzo Says:

    OK, Shane. Get your base running blunder outta the way early.

  49. Lynniemac Says:

    No problem. Just didn’t want you taking me seriously.

  50. Ryan Says:

    siddown, bitch

  51. Ryan Says:

    ^^ directed towards manny

  52. Mand Says:

    Tbs is starting early on the blowjobs today. It’s the first inning and they’re already fellatating the dodgers. It’s gonna be a long night

  53. Ryan Says:

    yeah i especially like them calling ethier “mr walkoff”. that shit pisses me off

  54. J Dubs Says:

    Tell me about it, Mand. I came back from grocery shopping but I had left the game on. The way they were talking with one man on, two out in the bottom of the first led me to believe Cole had already given up at least one run. Fuck these guys. TV’s already muted.

  55. Mand Says:

    My favorite was that the dodgers don’t have to worry about making the second out cuz everyone on that team picks everyone else up.

  56. Ryan Says:

    can’t forget about kershaw being compared to koufax

  57. Brandon Says:

    Is this the dodgers home broadcast crew? If i didn’t know better i might think so.

  58. Ryan Says:

    Attention Rockies/ Rockies “fans” – THAT is how you field a dribbler up the first base line. You don’t bitch about how the ball might have hit the batter, you make the damn play

  59. dlhunter Says:

    So TMac was on The Price Is Right yesterday? Or are Franzke and LA just mocking him?

  60. Oliver Says:

    Why can’t I find a liveblog?

  61. OutlawPete Says:

    we’re down 1-0…no live blog…

  62. J Dubs Says:

    CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  63. lebowski Says:

    chooch pwns.

  64. Ray Says:

    CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH

  65. Brandon Says:

    CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH is my boy!!!! Ice cream time

  66. Oliver Says:

    http://icecream4chooch.com/

  67. dlhunter Says:

    fuck yes. “get me to the plate boys” indeed.

  68. Mand Says:

    Big brown does it again!!! I’m likin this business

  69. Brandon Says:

    dl i was thinking that when he stepped up to the plate. Big hit.

  70. Mand Says:

    We def need a get me to the plate boys tshirt in the store

  71. Gonzo Says:

    Pete, i’m over at WoW. Check the directory on the right. MaxL is there and a couple of others sparingly.

  72. Tags Says:

    When can a guy get a “Señor Octubre” tshirt?

  73. Sweatzel Says:

    Can we get a Howard / ups shirt? “what can brown do for you?”

  74. J Dubs Says:

    Hamels, how can you sleep at night?

  75. Sweatzel Says:

    Did that guy just break his glasses?

  76. Tony Is Dynamic Says:

    The announcing is so fucking bias. Did anyone else hear the fucking STATIC when Chip Carray was jerking it to Manny?

  77. JB Says:

    Hamels is garbage. Garbage I say.

  78. dlhunter Says:

    I want Franzke back now.

  79. Andrew Says:

    Seriously–MAJOR static! And how many times did he say that Manny (or any other Dodger) was “ready to launch!”???

    So glad that infamous Dodgers ‘pen is in…so we can now all fellate them.

  80. Brandon Says:

    Cole you need a dp here

  81. JB Says:

    Blowhard.

  82. Mand Says:

    How about all that lightning strikes again bullshit when manny hit that?

  83. J Dubs Says:

    Yeah, it’s amazing these guys have enough time to announce when they have dildos in their mouths with Dodgers players’ names written on them 99% of the day.

  84. J Dubs Says:

    The other 1%… well, you can imagine.

  85. Mand Says:

    I love you j.a. Happ….

  86. BigMiles Says:

    I think that Reilly actually has no idea what’s going on back there….he hasn’t called shit on the corners all day and he calls that strike to Utley against Kuo. How are our lefties supposed to have good at bats against a great pitcher when he gets those pitches. If you give Cole those pitches its probably still 5-1

  87. Swift Says:

    I just got back from work, and just saw the fucking arrogant strut that Manny did after his shot. Fuck Manny, and anyone who roots for his Juicing ass. I officially hate Manny more than anyone else on the planet.

  88. Phylan Says:

    Hey Charlie just about everyone could’ve told you Bastardo was a terrible idea there, good going man

  89. Andrew Says:

    Bastardo? Stupid idea sending him in there….

  90. JB Says:

    Going to vomit.

  91. Gonzo Says:

    Randy Marsh is the home plate umpire tonight. it’s still bad.

    http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/boxscore?gid=291015119

  92. Lynniemac Says:

    Not to split hairs, Miles, but it’s Randy Marsh behind the plate.

  93. Lynniemac Says:

    Damn you and your faster typing, Gonzo.

  94. Swift Says:

    YEAH CHAN HO! ONE MORE!

  95. Phylan Says:

    At least Park is seemingly back to form. Bad swing by Kemp on 3-2 though

  96. liz Says:

    CHAN HO!

  97. kcm Says:

    welcome back chopper

  98. J Dubs Says:

    RAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  99. Swift Says:

    RAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  100. Brandon Says:

    RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! la pelota no regresa!

  101. JL III Says:

    RRRRAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  102. Mand Says:

    Rauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul!!

  103. Ray Says:

    FUCK YEAH

  104. kcm Says:

    RAUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  105. Swift Says:

    Choochtober!

  106. JB Says:

    Chooch = Mr. October

  107. Phylan Says:

    Mr. Choochtober should not be that far off the bag

  108. GMart Says:

    Chooch is the fucking man in the playoffs, even when he’s getting doubled off on a fly ball. Ice cream, bitch.

  109. Mand Says:

    How much do you wanna bet that if we win the sports people don’t shut up about how we got 2 of our runs on homeruns

  110. Phils Phan Says:

    Can’t the end of the ‘pen ever do its job without gifting back runs?

  111. Phylan Says:

    c’mon now Ryan settle down

  112. Phylan Says:

    @Phils Phan someone I know looked at that and found that the Phillies lead the league in surrendering runs the immediate half inning after scoring runs

  113. kcm Says:

    You mean 6 of our runs on homeruns?

    And also, Phils pitching, please stop giving up runs in the bottom of the inning right after the offense gives you some runs. It would be much appreciated.

  114. Incaviglia's Mullet Says:

    get madson the fuck out the game

  115. J Dubs Says:

    I said it before and I’ll say it again, despite being in the slimmest minority imaginable. Madson. Eats. Balls.

  116. Phils Phan Says:

    Is Madson still thinking about Colorado? Come on, man.

  117. kcm Says:

    Why is a lefty not in to face Ethier?

  118. Phils Phan Says:

    Jesus. Someone give Madson a map to the strike zone.

  119. Phylan Says:

    Charlie = retarded for not bringing in Eyre to face Ethier there

  120. Swift Says:

    Ultimate Disrespect to play that for Manny Ramirez.

  121. Swift Says:

    Phew… two run ballgame, time for the ninth.

    God…

  122. Andrew Says:

    Too bad guys were on base…I’d REALLY like them to plunk Manny in the head for that jackass bat toss after his HR earlier.

  123. Swift Says:

    @Andrew: Amen to that sentiment Sir… amen.

  124. Phylan Says:

    It really doesn’t bother me what players do to celebrate, as long as he doesn’t bust out a unicycle and juggle batons or something

  125. Lynniemac Says:

    @Phylan: That would be irritating, but kinda hilarious, as well.

  126. Swift Says:

    Brad… Lidge… Time…

  127. Lynniemac Says:

    Defibrillator… Time…

  128. J Dubs Says:

    Defibri… Lynnie beat me to it.

  129. BigMiles Says:

    I think LOL really stands for Lots of Liquor because that’s that first thing that comes to my mind when I see him warming up

  130. Brandon Says:

    ‘08 Lidge please show up again

  131. kcm Says:

    DP! One more.

  132. Swift Says:

    WHAT A DP!

  133. J Dubs Says:

    DP! DP! DP! Halle-fucking-lujah!

    but it’s not the same without the pic. Damn, I miss the liveblog.

  134. JL III Says:

    Did Ron Darling just call that luck?

  135. Brandon Says:

    Thats one of the best DP’s ever

  136. Tyler Walker Says:

    glad to hear one announcer call the DP “luck”…

  137. Joe Pa Says:

    I never thought that I would say this but T-mac seems bearable compared to Carry.

  138. Phylan Says:

    @Tyler Walker well it KINDA was. Not totally, of course. Lidge did well to induce a grounder but that was a horrible AB by Blake

  139. Swift Says:

    Lidge looks confident again.

  140. Phylan Says:

    T-Mac is Vin Scully compared to Chip Caray

  141. Brandon Says:

    Phucking right lidge

  142. J Dubs Says:

    VICTORY!

  143. Joe Pa Says:

    FUCK YEAH JIMMY!

  144. Oliver Says:

    WEAR IT

    SUCK ON IT

  145. Phylan Says:

    liberty bell!

  146. J Dubs Says:

    Did that interviewer just call Raul “Rawl Uh-bean-yez”?

  147. Swift Says:

    That’s how you win a fucking ballgame! Thank you Brad Fucking Lidge! Welcome back!

    SEVEN WINS AWAY FROM REPEAT! BELIEVE!

  148. Gonzo Says:

    Glad to see ya, Swift. WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    /148th’d

  149. BigMiles Says:

    I agree with Oliver….

    Manny, Russell, and Crew…. WEAR IT, SUCK ON IT

  150. Tony Is Dynamic Says:

    COMMENT 150. EQUAL TO THE ORGINAL AMOUNT OF POKEMON.

    Man, I chewed on my heart that whole game. Wear it , suck on it.

  151. Phylan Says:

    The series is going to be like this the whole time so break out your pacemakers

  152. Tony Is Dynamic Says:

    Seriously though, Chip Carray’s bias was hideous. You could hear him literally deflating with every Phillies hit. His poor, poor Braves.

    (151 for Mew)

  153. Lew Blum Says:

    Why don’t you guys just hit the mute button and turn up the radio? They’re synched up.

  154. WildThng88 Says:

    Where’s the game recap? dont let chamo do it. he sucks.

  155. Gonzo Says:

    @LEw: seriously? I’ll remember that for tomorrow.

  156. Mand Says:

    haha that’s exactly what i think of bigmiles.

    i don’t think i can take this for the rest of this series. it was intense.

  157. John Says:

    game recap?

  158. Minty Fresh Says:

    I think I just shit my pants multiple times.

    What did Lidge say to that asshat in the wanna-be HK jacket? (right after said douchenozzle slaughtered Raul’s name)

  159. Lynniemac Says:

    Game recap?

    /wear it. suck on it wildthng88

  160. Jon Says:

    Anyone have a Franzke call of that Raul homer? I bet it was awesome.

  161. Swift Says:

    @Gonzo, it’s good to be seen. Thankfully I’m off for tommorow’s game.

  162. CarlosBeltransexual Says:

    PLEASE get a post on that fuckhead who broke his glasses in joy after Manny’s (now meaningless) homer. I beg of thee.

  163. Dave Says:

    I’d honestly rather have Vin Scully call this series, and he’s actually the Dodgers broadcaster. The TBS crew makes me sick.

  164. will.H Says:

    anyone see the dickbag in that broke his own glasses after mannys HR. he was in the upperdeck.. he was the TBS cut away for the end of the 5th. fucking losers in LA.

  165. John Says:

    dodger dog dodger dog dodger dog

  166. Phylan Says:

    Team allegiance aside, Vin Scully is a legend up there with Harry and I would love to have him calling it.

    Goddamn I hate Chip Caray

  167. John Says:

    GAME RECAP!! I WANNA GO TO SLEEP!

  168. Phylan Says:

    Here’s something by an e-friend of mine to tide you over while you wait for the recap: http://thephrontiersman.wordpress.com/2009/10/16/nlcs-game-1-3-good-3-bad-3-else/

    3 good things, 3 bad things, and 3 other things about tonight’s game. I pretty much agree with all of it.

  169. MoyerIsMyHero Says:

    I had to work until 10, so I watched the game on DVR for the first time. Very difficult not to give in and check the score/final. I also missed the liveblog, actually, though it didn’t happen, so I guess it doesn’t matter. Since we love to complain about TBS broadcasters, I heard one comment from them that really pissed me off. Now I have forgotten it. I will sleep on it. I am sure everyone will wait with baited breath. 7 to go!!!

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