The Fightins'
Open Game Thread: 7/5 Phillies at Marlins
Posted by Chris at 6:17 pm ET 79 Comments

7:10PM on CSN


Cole Hamels (9-4) 2.41 ERA

PHILLIES: Cole Hamels will use his strong hand tonight to throw a shut out against the Marlins. I hope their broadcast team cries. If you have twitter be sure to harass them as much as possible.

Chris Volstad (4-7) 5.01 ERA

MARLINS: Ryan Howard and Raul Ibanez murder Chris Volstad. So we all know how this one is gonna end.

79 Responses to “Open Game Thread: 7/5 Phillies at Marlins”

  1. Steve Jeltz's Jerry Curl Juices says:

    Lets hope they get Cole some mother Fu*king run support

  2. DanB says:

    I’m feeling a big night from the Piece

  3. Way Back Machine says:

    Pierre and Castillo at the top of that order is gonna kill us with their speed.

  4. andy ashby's broken spirit says:

    lovin’ martinez in the two hole!

    • the new guy says:

      couldn’t have put him anywhere else but there

    • andy ashby's broken spirit says:

      i don’t disagree. just lamenting that the spot is pretty much an automatic out…

    • the new guy says:

      yeah your right bout that. . . . unless he actually shows some productivity this game. . . . .which is unlikely

    • Steve Jeltz's Jerry Curl Juices says:

      I fuc*king hate Double M. He just looks like he sucks & doesn’t belong on a major league roster. Can’t stand RAJ’s Rule 5 players a la Herndon

    • the new guy says:

      tell me bout it dude, i mean they called up Mayberry but don’t play him and let’s Double M play instead, like wtf?

    • andy ashby's broken spirit says:

      perhaps they felt that–in order to give florida a chance–they had to play a man down…

    • the new guy says:

      haha, well at least they feel for the Marlins since we own them, and Martinez just got lucky from hitting into a double play, thanks to the Marlins horrible defense

  5. the new guy says:

    if Volstad pitches well tonight and gives up 1 run or less, ill riot like a mothafucka

  6. Greenman! says:

    I can’t wait for Cole or Roy to get the Cy Young and have Talking Chop explode

  7. DanB says:

    Aw man, an almost web gem from Dom

  8. The Original J. Dubs says:

    Wow, that poor, lone kid chanting “Let’s go Marlins” was just depressing.

  9. the new guy says:

    now that’s what you get for walking Howard you old bastard, Raul smacks 2 RBI’s in your face

  10. Derrick says:

    Didn’t McKeon get the memo, er, telegram from LaRussa about intentionally walking Ryno?

  11. 85 says:

    Volstad should just cut a flap in his pants when he’s pitching against the Phils.

  12. Foreskin Mills! says:

    Fun fact: Michael Martinez played Eazy E in the video for Fuck wit Dre Day (And Everybody’s Celebratin’).

  13. yellowbird says:

    TMac has some nice tits

  14. kevin stocker says:

    forget voting 4 victorino. M – Mart to the mid summer classic…STAT!

  15. Turf Toe says:

    We need to start a petition to have Franzke and L.A. do the TV broadcast

    • Is This Thing On? says:

      Yankee’s PC Richards strikeout whistle. That’s the kind of shit that will work it’s way into the game if you remove Tits and his uncanny promo reading ability from the TV side. So I vote to keep things as they are for now.

  16. Is This Thing On? says:

    Is it time for a team meeting to go over the whole “I got it” thing? Too many adventures lately.

  17. Gny. Sgt. Hartman says:

    Mike Martinez. Hero time. Hoorah.

  18. Cliff Lee's Bat says:

    Only Annabel Chong sucked more in a shorter time than Michael Martinez.

  19. andy ashby's broken spirit says:


  20. Gny. Sgt. Hartman says:

    Well now I’ve seen it all.

  21. ugh_god says:

    mini mart? whaaaaa???

  22. Gny. Sgt. Hartman says:

    One more run and Baez can close.

  23. Cliff Lee's Bat says:

    Maybe I should disparage him everytime he has a shot at a RBI. It might suck 10% less that way.

  24. Cliff Lee's Bat says:

    An Eagles chant at a Marlins game. Proof that Miami has no pride in sports.

  25. Turf Toe says:

    Fucking Wheels just jinxed it

  26. Jesse Katsopolis says:

    Have mercy rule?

  27. Cliff Lee's Bat says:

    Happy Birthday Sarge. And fuck you TMac.

  28. diego says:

    What the fuck? LOL…TMac could hit a fucking homer off this assclown.

  29. Mason's Homegirl says:

    Nevah, nevah, nevah walk Ryan Howard!

  30. Jesse Katsopolis says:

    Can we save some of these for the Braves series?

    Have mercy.

  31. diego says:

    Watch Baez blow this one.

  32. the new guy says:

    well Martinez just said fuck you all for doubting me now have this 3 RBI triple up your ass

  33. Michael Martinez says:

    fuck you all for doubting me now have this 3 RBI triple up your ass

    • Fan since this April says:

      i’ve been saying all along that they can do better than that Uteley guy. Now MikeyMart just proves my point.

  34. Turf Toe says:


  35. Chris says:

    “Ryan Howard and Raul Ibanez murder Chris Volstad. So we all know how this one is gonna end.” /pats self on back

  36. ricobrogna says:

    Only. Douchebags. Type. Like. That. Guy Does.

  37. Scott Mathieson says:

    Well at least I’m not Mike Zagurski.

  38. Sarge's Tits says:

    It feels like it’s may 2009

  39. NickJames says:

    Remember when our 2011 rotation was supposed to be Hamels, Carrasco, Gio Gonzalez, Gavin Floyd, and Scott Mathieson?

  40. DP says:

    Why cant Atlanta just go away? What the hell do they want from us? Best record in MLB and these cockroaches won’t go away.

    • Abraham Lincoln says:

      “Why cant Atlanta just go away? What the hell do they want from us?”

      Fucking tell me about it.

    • William Tecumseh Sherman says:

      Any time you want me to go back down there Mr President just say the word.

    • Turf Toe says:

      The worst part about the Braves is that dumbass chop their “fans” do.

    • Talking Chop says:

      It’s obvious that Volstad and the Marlins bullpen are in on the conspiracy to keep the Phillies in first place!!! It’s not FAIR!!! Jack McKeon has no CLASS!!! They’re all CLASSLESS!!!

    • Greenman! says:


  41. The Original J. Dubs says:

    “It’s nice to know it takes three grand slams to tie the game.” BURN.

  42. ricobrogna says:

    I remember the 1991 rotation. Fucking eww.

  43. DP says:

    Deadwood and Wolf?! Wow. Never would have gotten that

  44. Todd Pratt says:

    F Randy Wolf & the Wolf Pack . He said no twice to the phils when they tried to bring him back.

  45. boom says:

    daaamn now thats some muthafuckn run support!

    hey atlanta, go fuck yourself.

  46. Bryan says:

    I’m seriously concerned about Tom McCarthy’s man boobs. Get surgery, bitch.

  47. Cholly says:

    no worries, after this weekend the Bravos will be 7 games behind….

  48. HAND says:


  49. James Fayleez says:

    @48 -

    I saw those on TV and I couldn’t believe they don’t BRA him up.
    Looking all sexy like that on TV….

    ….thought I was watching an episode of THREE’S COMPANY.

  50. James Fayleez says:

    And kudos to Chris for the SCARY MOVIE 2 hand pic.

    • Dubee Dubee Du says:

      Obviously Chris was using the negative reverse image ala the Billy The Kid tyntype.

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