The Fightins » Today’s Matchup: Myers vs. Moehler

HOME	R.I.P. Harry Kalas

May

2008

Today’s Matchup: Myers vs. Moehler

Posted by Chamomiles Davis at 12:18 pm ET 3 Comments

Phillies (27-23) @ Houston (28-22), 7:05 PM ET

Brett Myers (RHP, 2-5, 5.76)

Has lost significant speed on his fastball, which to save face he now calls “the fastest fucking change-up you’ve ever seen.”

Despite his status as the team’s “ace,” Myers is winless since a victory over Houston on April 17. Five-game winner Cole Hamels, with his lean and hungry look, plots to usurp him.

Has surrendered an average of 1 earned run per inning over his last three starts. You’re not supposed to do things like that if you want to win.

May or may not know how to spell “retard.”

Brian Moehler (RHP, 1-1, 4.76)

Began the season as a middle reliever. Moehler is filling in for Wandy Rodriguez, who is set to return soon from the DL. As a substitute, he has had to endure numerous spitballs and tacks left on his seat in the dugout by teammates.

First of three starts this year was on the road against the Dodgers on May 9 (W, 5IP, 0ER).

Has not pitched more than five innings as a starter. Then again, neither have I.

Facial hair does not resemble a dead rat. According to Myers, this may prove his undoing.

3 Comments on “Today’s Matchup: Myers vs. Moehler”

Gigi Says:
May 24th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
surprisingly accurate scouting report on Myers, but you mentioned he hasn’t beaten anyone since April 17…I think his wife would disagree.

/leaves room, shuts door.
How do you spell retard? Says:
May 24th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
H.G. Bissinger and I are not amused at your mocking of Brett Myers.
Cole Hamels > Jesus (might be facetious considering my absolute secularism).
Clare Says:
May 26th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
+1 at “the fastest fuckin’ changeup you’ve ever seen.”

You KNOW that’s what he’s thinking.