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Oct
16
2008
TJ Simers: A Douchebag Until The Very End
Posted by Chamomiles Davis at 10:14 am ET

Step aside, Gregggggg Doyel: There’s a new pigfucker in town, and his name is TJ Simers. The “TJ” stands for “Terrible Journalist,” in case you were wondering.

By now, many of you are no doubt aware of the excrement that drips out this would-be muckraker’s cranium and onto the pages of the Los Angeles Times. The fact that the Philadelphia fan base has been trashed by far superior writers than TJ has not discouraged his “effort” one bit.

In Simers’ latest pile of word-turds, Sir Bag of Douche spends more time fellating Manny Ramirez than acknowledging his team’s total collapse in Game Five of the NLCS. I’ll spare you the bulk of his blathering nonsense and cherry-pick his last, feeble digs at our FUCKING AWESOME fans…

…THE DODGERS are in a do-or-die situation, Phillies’ fanatics are so obsessed with their baseball team they can’t contain their obscenities, the telephone rings and none of it really matters…

…SEVERAL DODGERS fans e-mailed complaining about the fan experience in the stadium for Game 4.

“I am not sure I will take my son to another Dodger game any time soon,” wrote Ken Gowey. “It makes me absolutely ashamed to be a Dodger fan.”

I was afraid of this, knowing some folks born in Philly have probably moved here and become Dodgers fans over the years.

The thing is, you just can’t take the Angryville out of them, which obviously explains all the problems in Dodger Stadium.

Oh really, fuckface? Because I’m sure this had nothing to do with it. What color is the sky in your world, Mr. Simers?

TODAY’S LAST word comes from Norm Pangracs:

“After the fifth inning I called the number the Dodgers said to call if anyone is causing trouble during the game. I was surprised to get a recorded voice. I thought for sure a live person would answer. I left a message: ‘There’s a group from Philadelphia making me very uncomfortable. They’re the Philadelphia Phillies.’ “

Amen.

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. You can take it from here, folks.

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11 Comments on “TJ Simers: A Douchebag Until The Very End”

  1. Jason Says:

    Not sure if you guys caught it, but just as Fox came back to the game for the bottom of the ninth, (Lidge warming up, no McCarverisms yet) the Dodgers PA was playing “Not My Time” by 3 Doors Down. I thought that was hilarious.

  2. meech.one Says:

    That Norm Pangracs line is fucking classic. hahahahahaha

  3. Mr. Bryan Says:

    Now Simers can concentrate on covering football… oh wait.

  4. Paul Says:

    I’ll be thinking about him when im watching Cole Hamels pitch in Game 5 of the WS!!

  5. Chamomiles Davis Says:

    NORM PANGRACS = CAN RAM PRONGS

    This is exactly what Simers should do with his salad fork.

  6. Paul Says:

    i bet he’s never touched a baseball in his entire life.. or a boob for that matter.. HOMO!

  7. Chamomiles Davis Says:

    Now, now, Paul… I never implied that TJ Simers is homosexual, and I wouldn’t have a problem if he was. I merely pointed out that he likes to blow farm animals.

  8. Gigi Says:

    i read his article, it’s merely a collection of questionable and erroneous statements with no reasoning behind them. very poor journalism.

    i’m not even upset, i’m just annoyed that i wasted a few minutes of my life that i can’t get back.

    as a result, i will not be reading anything he writes ever again.

    oh yeah - WORLD SERIES, BITCHES!!! I was only 11 the last time this happened - good things truly come to those who wait!

  9. mike Says:

    isn’t it a shame that this waste of space has a somewhat respectable job?

  10. tp Says:

    You guys are missing the point. Simers’ whole shtick is to get a rise out of people. It’s not that he doesn’t realize his points are illogical. He says them *because* they’re illogical, and unfair, and will piss people off, which amuses him. I think he sees himself as some kind of Andy Kauffman type figure. The real problem with him is that he’s just uncreative and lame.

  11. Chamomiles Davis Says:

    I think he sees himself as some kind of Andy Kauffman type figure. The real problem with him is that he’s just uncreative and lame.

    …and that he hasn’t died of lung cancer yet.

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