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The Road to Mayan Apocalypse Is Paved with Text Messages
Posted by at 10:12 pm ET 45 Comments

So, did Darren Daulton really pick Raul Ibanez (0-3) as his “Player of the Game” Monday night? Was he paying attention to the game? Did he know where he was? Thanks to an unscrupulous Comcast intern with access to Ricky Bottalico’s cell phone, we may have an idea of what was preoccupying the eccentric former Phillies backstop…





45 Responses to “The Road to Mayan Apocalypse Is Paved with Text Messages”

  1. John says:

    foist of all, i dont get and it and second of all, what?

  2. John says:

    i dont get it*

  3. CarlosBeltransexual says:

    At least Dutch is comical. Botallico is a self-indulgent putz who adds little to any conversation. My favorite Brett Myers quote (ok, second favorite to “How do you spell retard?”) was when Ironpig Myers was in Lehigh, and was asked if he wanted to be traded.

    Myers: “Who told you that? Ricky Botallico? Yeah, ok.”

  4. Rob says:

    This is kinda off topic but during the post game news on comcast there was a woman reporter at coors field talkg about the celebration and I can’t recall her name for the life of me. But when asked “You didn’t get doused with champagne why not?” she said “Yeah thats right the players noticed that I was dry and I told them thats just the way I like it” and I could not stop laughing. Does anyone know where I can find a video of this?

  5. Tartan69 says:

    This back-and-forth would be even better on The Dugout. The ones between Cholly and Bobby Cox are always entertaining.

  6. CarlosBeltransexual says:

    If it helps, Rob, that was Leslie Gudel.

  7. Lynniemac says:

    If she wanted to stay dry, perhaps she shouldn’t hang out in the clubhouse. Feel free to take that as you will, people.

  8. Gonzo says:

    Leslie Gudel was asking such serious questions and Ryan Howard just wanted to party. Leslie is quite the party pooper. I don’t care if it’s her job to ask those questions. She should just jam out with her clam out.

  9. RicoBrogna says:

    anybody notice jayson stark trying to weasel in on gudel’s interview with howard and when he finally get to ask a question its a generic dud like “how do concentrate with all that noise” type of throwaway nonsense. Howard should have ignored it and refused to answer on the grounds of retardation!

  10. WildThng88 says:

    Chamomiles Davis sucks. I’ll say it a million times. Fire him.

  11. Gonzo says:

    Rico, post game interviews are like that. Most times, reporters will let someone else ask the questions and just record the entire conversation.

  12. Griswold says:

    Doug Glanville will cause 2012

  13. Tug Haines says:

    WildThng88 sucks. I’ll say it a million times. Fire him.

  14. Mike says:

    word Tug. fuck you WildThng88. don’t like it? don’t read it, then don’t comment on it.

  15. dlhunter says:

    Hilarious. There I said it.

    Now stick a cork screw up your ass, WIldThing88.

  16. me says:

    manual is a fucking retard-we win in spite of him………

  17. ill says:

    It’s no Dugout, but that’ll do pig.

  18. StacyH says:

    By the way, I believe what Chamo is referring to is the “Stand-out Stars”, which are picked before the game on the pre-game show, not after the game. It’s like a competition between Barkann, Ricky Bo, etc. to see who can predict which Phillie is going to have the best game. Either way Dutch has definitely gone off the deep end.

  19. Dutch Daulton's Brain says:

    Dutch looks drunk on the post game show and has a nice comb-over going

  20. Andrew says:

    Dutch’s justification for picking Ibanez was the worst part-It was something like “Ibanez was out of the game so Francisco could make that catch,” which, i mean, is too crazy to parse. “Ya know who my Phillies MVP is? Eric Bruntlett-if he wasnt on the bench Chase Utley couldnt do his thing.”

  21. I…I think I’ve done it.

    I’ve found someone more batshit that Dutch.–Not-so-much

    apologies if this has been passed around already. Then again, the crazy has clouded my brain.

  22. Andrew says:

    I think its safe to say 93 Phillies are awful at their post-baseball professions:
    Daulton: subpar analyst (above par time-traveler)
    Kruk: self explanatory
    Hollins: Fucked up my breakfast order this morning

    The only real expection is Schilling who has gone on to excel at being an insufferable douche

  23. Heese says:

    StacyH is right, pregame they pick who they think will have the best game and Dutch was feeling Raul (pause). I thought it was actually pretty funny Dutch was trying to defend it afterwards while also being smashed, especially after Game 3.

  24. ill says:

    I love Kruk on BBTN and Mitchie Poo is doing alright for himself over on the MLB Network. I don’t know you can say Daulton is a failure but call him an “above par time-traveler.” The fact he can do it at all makes him pretty successful, IMO.

  25. Ace says:


    Hollins just rejoined the Phils as special assignment scout. I’d say that’s better than nothing.

  26. Chazbot says:

    Fire WildThng88, his mouse must be broken but the keyboard still works fine. Troll.

  27. Phylan says:

    @Jayson that is the best thing I’ve ever read and the author’s picture is pretty much perfectly fitting

  28. Jdashdog says:

    “Even if the Rockies were our enemies, we are to love them.”

    @Jayson, thanks – that article is hilarious

  29. I think Dutch took a beating because being a “time-traveler” he should have known who was gonna have a good game.

    Fire Wildthng88, on a site that allows for long names not using the I in thing is just bad spelling.

  30. Heathcliff Slocumb says:

    Mickey Morandini is doing well, coaching high school baseball and running a stationary store with his wife. He looks like a crackhead, but that’s OK.

  31. James Fayleez says:


    That thing is epic.

  32. Ozzie Virgil's Beard says:

    @Jayson: Lisa Small is nuttier than squirrel shit.

  33. J-D says:

    Who is more bat shit crazy? Dutch or Lisa, the author of that ridiculous article?

  34. Alex says:

    @Jayson: That article provided at least an hour of entertainment for me and my friends. Everyone should take a minute and leave a fun comment. My submissions were:

    Sarge says:
    Someone should Cadillac time all over you and your husband.

    Harry Kalas says:
    This lady is OUTTA HERE!!

    Darren “Dutch” Daulton says:
    If you were my wife I would slap you around, go back in time, and then do it again.

  35. Gaze says:

    All things considered, I’d say the 1993 team is doing pretty well for themselves…

  36. James Fayleez says:


    Good work finding the article. I left her a post as her “true” master.

  37. dapopeovoz says:

    @Jayson: Greatest comment on her article. “Why don’t you like fun?”

  38. AK says:

    I’m particularly fond of “Sorry about killing Jesus, I hope we can still be friends.”

    This article deserves its own post on here

  39. maxL says:

    Bill says:

    But, Phillies fans go to the park every game to see God. He is otherwise known as Ryan Howard.

    Def. my favorite.

  40. D. Whitmore says:

    if she only knew about the 07 rockies and their own bible thumping. it would have made the game a lot better in her eyes.

    crazy bitch

  41. Lisa Small says:

    I pray for you evil Phillies fans. May God have mercy on your souls for supporting a competition of any kind. What’s really wrong with baseball is that one team has to lose. Can’t they just not keep score and declare both teams winners and everyone can pray together afterwards? How do you think the Rockies and their fans felt after they GOT THEIR ASSES WHOOPED BY THE WFC!!!

  42. Tug Haines says:

    The Phillies and Dodgers should just play Popcorn this week instead of baseball.

    That way, everybody wins!


  43. Sara says:

    @Chamo i love you.
    @Tug i love that game more than i love chamo.

  44. Gabrielle says:

    i like that, on lisa’s blog, Satan signed his message “Lou”.

    @chamo: think you could get ahold of the convo between wildthng88 and meech? that could be interesting…

  45. James Fayleez says:


    Thanks for the shout out. I did the Satan message.

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