The Fightins'
Nov
04
2009
Point/Counterpoint: The Myers-Hamels “Incident”
Posted by at 12:29 am ET 25 Comments

POINT – Brett Myers: Cole Hamels and I Are Not Fighting With Each Other

brett-myersHi, folks. I’d like to thank the fine men and whatever stage of pre-op tranny Chamomiles Davis is in at the moment for giving me this opportunity to clear up a rather unfortunate misunderstanding, one which has created this unwelcome sub-plot to what has otherwise been an outstanding postseason.

Certain reports have indicated that I confronted my teammate (and good friend) Cole Hamels after last night’s victory over the Yankees. Hamels’ comments after our loss in Game Three were misconstrued by the press to imply that Cole was “quitting” on the team, whether mentally, physically, or both. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When I spoke to Cole as he was leaving the clubhouse last night, I made a remark that could have been interpreted as referencing his post-game remarks. I did not say that Cole had quit on his teammates, although I phrased my question in a way that certainly could have invited that interpretation. I’ve since expressed regret for my poorly-chosen words.

Rest assured, however, that both my remarks and those offered by Cole were both taken far out of context, and our friendship is as solid as his commitment to helping our ball club win its second straight World Championship. Thank you for your time and, as always, your support!

COUNTERPOINT – Brett Myers’ Chinbeard: You’re Goddamn Fucking Right I Called Him a Pussy

dontmesswiththecb‘Sup, fuckers. First of all, you little shitpackers out there in the media need to stop backpedaling from the truth like you’re some kind of bizarro Lance Armstrong. Here’s the real deal, and be sure to quote me ver-goddamn-batim: Brett Myers works for me, you got that? I give the orders around here, and have since day one. My instructions after Game Five last night were crystal-fucking-clear: Get up in that little prima donna’s face and give him both barrels until his mascara starts to run.

I don’t give two flat titties what my life-support system just told you: This chinbeard has a double-wide full of friends, and ain’t none of them named Colette Hamels. (See what I did there? I made it a girl’s name! That’s fucking satire, man.) When you quit on the ‘Beard, you shit on the beard. And to me that’s like shitting on the flag, because my colors don’t run, either.

You can bet I made goddamn clear to that left-coast penthouse dwelling bi-racial adopting motherfucker that he was officially ON NOTICE. Nobody, I mean NOBODY walks out on the C.B., people. Not my friends, not my teammates, not Mrs. Chinbeard. NOBODY. We’re in this together, you sumbitches. If you think this season was rough on you, young Miss Hamels, try an offseason of me instructing my host organism to dial your home number every night from now until St. Patrick’s Day to remind you what a flapping cooch you are.

Tough love, people! Motivation! That’s me! That’s America! FUCK YEAH! NOW LET’S TEAR A-ROD AND THE REST OF THOSE OVERPAID SISSIES A THIRD OUTPUT AND WIN THIS MOTHERFUCKER ALREADY!

25 Responses to “Point/Counterpoint: The Myers-Hamels “Incident””

  1. Kenny Powers says:

    All of my successes depend on me. I’m the man who has the ball, I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone is the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.

  2. ThinkRed says:

    So Kenny, how’s it feel playing for New York?

  3. I guess the stuff on his hat isn’t Jeter’s semen…….

  4. Tedy says:

    @A-Roid’s Juice, it’s Girardi’s semen

  5. Luis A. Rosado says:

    Owns all you bitches. Sarge is one up on all of you. Go Phils.

  6. Luis A. Rosado says:

    Gary Matthews Sr. would have beat some serious ass if he were Myers. He would have kept Colette’s ass in line much he did his kid Gary Jr. Myers should not have retracted from what he said. Collette needs tough love. Hell, we all need tough love every now and again.

  7. hahahaha says:

    hahahahahahahahahhahahaa

  8. Watrick says:

    The wisdom that is David Wells: Throwing at the guy who leads the team in Hit By Pitch nearly every year.

    http://www.nypost.com/p/sports/yankees/wells_knock_utley_down_4oCOJsLqkQMKj2O4Ttw7xL

  9. Kenny Powers says:

    When we were kids, me and your Dad used to beat the shit out of these retard brothers that used live down the street from us. Hilarious! I mean this guy was the most ruthless one! Now, I’m sittin here, he’s got a family, nice shirt on.

  10. Leon Black says:

    Pedro better get in dat ass tonight

  11. j_romes says:

    ha, wells, you choad. utley doesn’t get out of the way of anything. good luck with that strategy.

  12. Nikita Sixx says:

    Wells is a tool, he just revealed they’re afraid

  13. GM-Carson says:

    How do you twisted sons-a-bitches come up with this shit?

  14. Danny says:

    New York? more like Jew York

  15. mplant says:

    Great stuff, though I was expecting to see a “Brett, you ignorant slut” mixed in with this Point-Counterpoint

  16. sixtolescano says:

    Me and Jim Lefebvre got your back Brett—Come back strong Cole. That pansy-ass routine will get you no love here. Let it fuel your fire. Chin Beard=Series MVP

  17. jaker says:

    @Danny; Srsly? You can do better.

  18. Watrick says:

    jaker, that’s from East Bound and Down.

  19. Billig says:

    Best. Phucking. Thing. Ever.

    God I love Brett Myers so much, I don’t care what anyone says about him. I hope we resign him next year just so we can see more of his antics, if nothing else lol. Gotta love the Rockstar!!!

  20. Jon in SoCal says:

    Were gonna win game 6. I made a bet on game 7 today.

    A Lucky HARD SIX to make 3-3.

  21. Billig says:

    Brett Myers’ chinbeard is my hero.

  22. A great deal of usefull info in addition to motivation, both of which everyone need to have, i appreciate you for the following.

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