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Jun
05
2011
Posted by Ryan at 12:28 pm ET 95 Comments

1:35 PM on PHL 17

STARTING PITCHERS:

Roy Halladay (7-3, 2.56 ERA)

PHILLIES: I can’t believe I’m going to type this next sentence. Roy Halladay  takes the mound today in hopes of preventing a sweep of the Phillies by the Pirates. It seems like the Phillies have trouble every time they go to PNC Park and I guess this year is no different. Whatever, the team is still 10 games over .500 heading into this game.

James McDonald (3-3, 4.85 ERA)

PIRATES: This series has been defined by the Phillies offense making mediocre pitching look like All-Stars and Cy Young candidates, and that’s just hard to watch.

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Jun
03
2011
Posted by Ryan at 5:09 pm ET 37 Comments

7:05PM on CSN

PITCHING MATCHUP:

Cole Hamels (7-2, 3.01 ERA)

PHILLIES: YARRRRRRRRR Matey! The Dread Pirate Hamels sails down the Three Rivers and is on a mission to loot and pillage the Pittsburgh Pirates who are coming off a game in which they choked away a 7-0 lead and eventually lost to the Mets by a run. This is a series that everybody should feel pretty good about, but after dropping two of three to the Nats, I guess you never really know. Either way, like we did in Washington last weekend, the land of the Yinsers should be populated with tons of Yousers as PNC Park becomes Citizens Bank Park West for the next few games.

Jeff Karstens (3-4, 3.58 ERA)

PIRATES: I’m sure Jeff Karstens is a nice guy and everything, but holy crap is he goofy looking. When I do these things, I usually try to find the most embarrassing picture of the opposing player I can and a lot of times, they’re making a doofy face during their delivery. The Karstens cat makes that exact same face every time he throws the ball. It’s hilarious. That’s the kind of in-depth analysis you can only find right here at THE FIGHTINS DOT COM.

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With Shane Victorino back from the DL and in the lineup tonight, my man David Hale from the Wilmington News Journal brings us the most depressing  good news you’ll read all day.

Wilson Valdez is now, improbably, a part of the Baseball Hall of Fame. The hat that he wore the night he became the last position player since Babe Ruth to start a game in the field and record a win as a pitcher is now in the Hall forever to be preserved as a part of history. As Wheels would say, baseball sure is a goofy game.

May
29
2011
Posted by Ryan at 12:22 pm ET 72 Comments

1:10 PM on PHL 17

PITCHING MATCHUP:

Vance Worley (2-0, 2.14 ERA)

PHILLIES: The Phils look to complete a sweep of the Mets on the one-year anniversary of Roy Halladay’s Perfect Game. If you want a laugh, take a look at the starting lineup for the good guys today. According to my man David Hale from the Wilmington News Journal, five of the nine Phils starters today were not on a big-league Opening Day roster in 2010. One way or another, today’s game should be good for a laugh.

Jonathan Niese (3-5, 4.33 ERA)

LOLMETS: The Mets really suck. They’re awful and they’re stupid. Nobody likes them. My great-grandmother’s dying words were “Jesus Christ, I fucking hate the Mets.” The crazy part about that was that she was Pennsylvania Dutch and hardly spoke any English. I didn’t even know she liked baseball. The Mets suckery transcends boundaries that way.

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May
24
2011
Posted by Ryan at 4:28 pm ET 107 Comments

7:05 PM on PHL 17 and MLB Network

PITCHING MATCHUP:

Vance Worley (2-0, 1.13 ERA)

PHILLIES: The kid takes the bump tonight in the place of the injured Joe Blanton. Vance could be in the rotation for a while, beecause nobody really knows just how serious Blanton’s injury is, but he’s meeting with Dr. James Andrews who is the guy for fucked up elbows. If Vance keeps pitching like he has been, I’m a-okay with him as the fifth-starter for as long as he’s needed.

Johnny “Banana Grabber” Cueto (2-1, 1.45 ERA)

RED LEGS: Cueto is making just his forth start of the season after some shoulder problems, and was on the hook for the loss in his last start against the Buccos.

Big ups to @MooseKnuckles12 for the Worley Hulk ‘shop.

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May
22
2011
Posted by Ryan at 1:22 pm ET 63 Comments

1:35 PM on PHL 17

STARTING PITCHERS:

Roy Oswalt (3-1, 3.09 ERA)

PHILLIES: So, there’s no time to do anything insightful here because Chris just called me like five minutes ago in a stupor. Due to pending legal matters, I can’t say why he’s unable to make this post but he asked me to do it. So here you go. Pictures of the starting pitchers and a place to bullshit about the game and the stupid things Wheels says during it.

Matt Harrison (3-4, 4.27 ERA)

RANGERS: I kind of doubt that’s the Matt Harrison that’s pitching for the Rangers but I don’t have enough time to verify that. I made my girlfriend unpack all the groceries that we just bought so I could get this thing posted in time and she keeps looking at me all pissed off. Hopefully this gets posted in time for me to put in at least a token effort with these groceries and still be on the couch with a beer before the game starts. Chris is such a dill weed.

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May
18
2011
Posted by Ryan at 4:43 pm ET 91 Comments

7:05 PM on CSN and ESPN

PITCHING MATCHUP:

Cole Hamels (4-2, 3.19 ERA)

PHILLIES: The Phils are looking to stop a four-game skid in their return to Philadelphia. Lord knows the recent woes haven’t been the starting pitching’s fault, so maybe some home cooking will help wake up the bats.

Jorge De La Rosa (5-1, 3.70 ERA)

ROCKIES: So it’s come to this. Until the offense breaks out of its slump, Cy Young will be the opposing pitcher in every game thread. Thanks to Fightins commenter James Fayleez for the above image and idea. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Phils fans:

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May
18
2011
Posted by Ryan at 11:21 am ET 15 Comments

Baseball lost one of it’s all-time greats on Monday as Twins’ Hall of Famer Harmon Killebrew died following a bout with esophageal cancer. Phillies skipper Charlie Manuel, who played with Killebrew in Minnesota from 1969-1971, reflected on the one they called “Killer” yesterday with Chris Wheeler on yesterday’s pregame show:

(audio ripped from 1210 WPHT)

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May
16
2011
Posted by Ryan at 5:15 pm ET 164 Comments

7:05 PM on CSN and ESPN

Pitching Matchup:

Cliff Lee (2-3, 3.78 ERA)

PHILLIES: The Phillies B-Team will be taking the field behind Cliff tonight (Orr, Valdez, Mayberry, and Francisco are all starting) which almost assures that the team will score anywhere between 20 and 30 runs. The only question is does Cliff Lee have what it takes to win ballgames? Make sure do send all of your responses to that question to Danger Guerrero.

Jake Westbrook (2-3, 6.92 ERA)

CARDINALS: Tony LaRussa is back on the bench for the Cards tonight for the first time in a week. He had shingles. Have you seen the pictures? He looked fucking horrifying. That looks like zombie makeup that Stan Winston would have done for a John Carpenter movie or something.

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Written by Ryan

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R.I.P Harry Kalas