The Fightins » Ryan R.I.P. Harry Kalas Sun, 03 Jul 2011 13:14:20 +0000 en hourly 1 Nationals Sign JC Romero to Minor-League Deal Wed, 29 Jun 2011 18:43:00 +0000 Ryan

According to Mark Zuckerman of Nats Insider, The Nationals have inked former Phils left-hander JC Romero to a AAA deal. He’ll be playing in Syracuse with the Sky Chiefs until the Nats need him in the big leagues again.

I’m not really sure why Romero would turn down a minor league assignment from the Phillies only to turn around and accept one from the Nationals. Maybe he wanted to be with a team with a shot at the playoff– HAHAHAH I’m sorry, I couldn’t even get it out. I thought I could, but nope. HAHAHA

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Matt Gelb: Spoiler Alert Wed, 29 Jun 2011 12:41:57 +0000 Ryan Cliff Lee would have would thrown a no-hitter last night if it weren’t for one complete dick of a beatwriter. The Inky’s Matt Gelb bucked tradition and violated the rule that you don’t talk about a no-hitter that’s in progress.

Gelb’s reaction to the angry responses he received was basically “Psh. Whatever, nerds.” And OF COURSE immediately after that, Marco Scutaro singled to break up the no-no in the sixth. In reaction, Twitter banded together to reveal all the other things that the one we affectionately refer to as the Koala spoiled:

I started things off. Not to toot my own horn, but I’m hilarious.

Loctastic is evidently making a very obtuse Die Hard reference or something.

Swifty, our Comment Czar, once drank his own pee. Just to see, you know?

AProuja knows that it isn’t actually always sunny in Philadelphia.

Schrammalot also knows it was filmed in DelCo!

ItsStephGrace knows all there is to know about the crying game.

PhoebePhanatic never told me life was gonna be this way. *clapclapclap*

Our fearless leader Mitch just sits there, all day long, in his own world, staring at that toy. What’s he thinking about?

In every contest though, there must be a winner. This is that winner. Steph brought the fucking house down with this one.

This all just goes to show you that if you do anything at all online you can be villianized and relentlessly mocked for absolutely no reason at all at absolutely any time. The moral of this story is that you should never ever say anything ever on the internet for any reason whatsoever. I guess.

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What The Hell Was Shane Thinking Last Night? Sun, 26 Jun 2011 18:58:37 +0000 Ryan

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Open Game Thread: 6/25 A’s at Phillies Sat, 25 Jun 2011 22:08:58 +0000 Ryan OAKLAND ATHLETICS

7:05 PM on CSN and MLB Network


Cole Hamels (9-3, 2.51 ERA)

PHILLIES: I know, I know, I know. Look. Chris asked me to do this at the last minute. It sucks and I know, but it’s a place to talk shit on the game so who cares about what graphic is at the top? At least I had the courtesy to put some goddamned titties up there for youse. Also, Cole’s been pretty fucking good lately, hasn’t he?

Trevor Cahill (7-5. 3.24 ERA)

A’s: Cahill has been pretty f’ing good this season too, so this game seems like it should be another pitchers duel. Watch this thing end up being a slugfest. Either way, hopefully it’ll be more interesting that last night’s snoozer.

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A Completely Serious A’s/Phillies Series Preview Fri, 24 Jun 2011 20:12:00 +0000 Ryan

I’m not doing too well in my efforts to preview these interleague series for you guys. None of these bloggers I’m emailing will return my emails or calls or anything. It’s like they don’t take this website seriously or something. What the hell?

Anyway, in order to break down this A’s/Phillies series, I asked my friend Justin Klugh from That Ball’s Outta Here and Call to the Pen to answer the questionnaire that those lousy A’s bloggers were too high and mighty to fill out for me.

Ryan: Oakland comes into this series in Philadelphia dead-last in the American League west. How does this look against their expectations heading into the season? Do they have a chance at finishing the season at .500?
Oakland A’s 2011 Check List:
  • Hope Moneyball trailer is halfway decent
  • Use trailer to garner sympathy as poorest of the poor teams
  • Allow other teams to lose out of pity
  • Ignore fans disgusted with strategy reeking of cowardice
  • Fire manager to penetrate national media
  • Fail to use exposure for any real purpose
  • Send Josh Willingham to DL for second try at national exposure
  • Shit bed
  • Spend winter wondering what all that was about

R: The oldest starting pitcher in the A’s rotation right now is 27. The youngest is also their best; Trevor Cahill. Cahill was dominant in 2010, winning 18 games with a 2.97 ERA and he’s looking just as solid in 2011. What does the future hold for Cahill?

J: The same as it holds for the rest of us: dying alone.  Judging by the picture on his Wikipedia page, he is also fat and clueless or about to give someone an unsatisfactory hug.  Also I just read his nickname is “Trevordactyl.”  So I could see him getting his ass kicked by junior high school bullies who throw his box of toy dinosaurs he brought for show and tell into the sewer.

R: As good as Cahill has been in 2011, Gio Gonzalez has maybe been even better. He currently sports a 2.59 ERA though just under 100 IP. Is Gonzalez going to be a cornerstone of a future A’s club, or will he end up as yet another Billy Beane trade chip?

J: All Billy Beane sees is numbers.  Right?  Like, he can’t look a man in the eye because all he sees are swirling clouds of BABIPs and xFIPs dancing around.  That’s why he swaps guys around like a human trafficker; even if they’re begging, “Please, Billy, please–my wife said she’d leave me if I moved us again,” or “Come on, man, the hospital here has the perfect resources to combat my kid’s morbid obesity,” the man can just shake his head, check his phone, and be played by Brad Pitt.  I’d say no man is safe on that roster.

R: Oakland has been rumored to be relocating to San Jose for a couple of years now. Do you think this is ever going to happen? What’s holding up the deal?

J: I’ve never been to the Coliseum but I imagine it smells like a carnival that refuses to leave town; decades-old machinery and second hand smoke.  I think Oakland assumes it could leave, but it hasn’t thought things through.  Like a child threatening to run away from home, they don’t seem aware of the potential dangers lurking outside the safety of O-Town:  Packs of feral dogs that have tasted human blood and can never be satisfied by anything else, Brendan Ryan’s mustache patrolling the western seaboard in a windowless van, any murderous hobos @PhilliesWheeler hasn’t raped to death.  I don’t think San Jose is going to offer protection from these sorts of everyday problems.  If my 23 minutes in Jack London Square at 6 am on a Sunday were any indication, Oakland is a quiet, subdued town with very few problems outside of malfunctioning ticket machines.  The A’s should count their blessings.

R: Wait, what were you doing at a train station in Oakland at six in the morning?

J: Looking for Trevoir Cahill’s lost dinosaurs.

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Open Game Thread: 6/23 Phillies at Cardinals Thu, 23 Jun 2011 23:14:33 +0000 Ryan

8:15 PM on PHL 17 and MLB Network


Roy Oswalt (4-5 3.38 ERA)

PHILLIES: Roy, I think you’re the man. You’ve been one of my favorite pitchers even since you were in Houston. But, man, I never know which Roy I’m gonna see when you show up these days. Please let Awesome Roy show up tonight? Pretty, pretty please?

Chris Carpenter (1-7, 4.47 ERA)

CARDINALS: Carpenter is having a down year, there’s no question about it. Sure, W-L isn’t an absolute indicator of talent, the Cardinals hitters shoulder some of the blame. In Carpenter starts, the Cards have scored an average of 3.65 runs so far this season. That’s not exactly a ton. However, the Phillies have scored an almost identical average of 3.68 runs in Cliff Lee’s starts, and he’s 8-5. So draw your own conclusions, I guess. Either way, this is a winnable game for the Phillies and a series sweep would be totally sweet with the rest of the NL East heating up.

Big ups to my man @_magowan for the Chris the Builder graphic.
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Open Game Thread: 6/22 Phillies at Cardinals Wed, 22 Jun 2011 21:38:59 +0000 Ryan

8:15 PM on CSN and ESPN


CRIFF REE (7-5, 3.12 ERA)

PHILLIES: Well, that was a weird one last night. If you would have told me that around 9:30 that the Phillies would score ten runs in that game, I’d probably have punched you in the mouth for lying to me. But, you know, I’ll take it.

Kyle Lohse (7-3, 2.88 ERA)

CARDINALS: I hope the Phils hitters brought their pads after last night’s game. The five Cardinals relievers that pitched during the 8th inning plunked something like 83 consecutive batters. The Phils won the game, so I doubt there will be much lingering animosity, but if anybody else gets plunked things could get testy.

(heh heh… testy.)

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John Kruk Wouldn’t Do A “One Ball” Joke on the ESPYs Mon, 20 Jun 2011 21:38:18 +0000 Ryan You may have heard about the new book about the history of ESPN called “These Guys Have All The Fun”. The book is a massive tome consisting of all kinds of first-hand interviews from ESPNers past and present. It’s a damn good read, but the best parts aren’t the juicy excerpts you’ve already read in GQ or on Deadpsin, but rather moments where somebody puts their foot in their mouth by saying something totally-fucking-stupid.

Enter David Steinberg, who was one of the writers for the 1994 ESPYs, also known as that god-awful ESPN awards show neither you or anybody you know has ever watched. Steinberg came up with the brilliant idea for John Kruk, who was at this time recovering from testicular cancer, to make an appearance that was centered wholly around this one ridiculous joke:

Look, One-Nut Kruk jokes are funny now that he’s recovered, but this guy acts like Kruk is a humorless jerk-off for not wanting to make fun of a serious and potentially life-threatening disease that cost him a friggin’ testicle! Not only that, but that is a fucking awful joke. When you have to end a joke by saying “Okay? That was the joke,” you should know that it’s way unfunny.

I didn’t think it was possible, but I somehow like the Krukker more for this.

(Excerpt from Those Guys Have All the Fun: Inside the World of ESPN by Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller)
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The Fightins Totally Serious Phillies at Mariners Series Preview Fri, 17 Jun 2011 13:15:32 +0000 Ryan

I’m launching a new feature here on the Fightins where I’m going to be previewing each upcoming Interleague series by interviewing respected baseball bloggers. It’s something I’ve been meaning to do for a while now, because I don’t spend enough time on here doing serious baseball analysis.

That said, I kind of put off sending my questions to the Mariners blogger I had in mind. I meant to do it last week so I could format everything in time and have this thing post automatically, but I got caught up playing Mortal Kombat on the Playstation and forgot to send my questions to the guy until last last night, so I haven’t heard back from him yet.

Fortunately though, we here at The Fightins dot com have our very own baseball expert on staff, and he graciously volunteered to step in and answer my questions. Danger Guerrero, who you may know from his recurring series “Phillies High” or his work over at Filmdrunk, such as his commentary on the classic film “Cool as Ice”.

Without further ado, let’s get down to it.

Ryan: The Mariners have put together one of the AL’s best pitching rotations, the centerpiece of which being reigning AL Cy Young winner Felix Hernandez. What are King Felix’s chances of winning another Cy Young this year?

Danger: I’d put them at somewhere between low and ain’t gonna never happen. He got it last year over the whining of a bunch of dipshit sportswriters about how he didn’t have a ton of wins, and how back in their day WHIP was something used to keep the family mule on task and, dagnabbit, they liked it. So even if he put up similarly great numbers this year, I could see a scenario where people fell all over themselves to find a more traditional candidate. Maybe someone like Frank Viola. I feel like old sportswriters love Frank Viola.

More importantly, though, there are other high-profile pitchers having good years — namely Justin Verlander, and Josh Beckett. Verlander seems to throw 6-7 no-hit innings every third start, currently leads the AL in strikeouts and WHIP, and is second in the league in wins. Beckett is a white guy who pitches for Boston. So all of their qualifications even out.

R: In addition to King Felix, the M’s rotation also features the young rookie Michael Pineda and the resurgent Erik Bedard. What does the future hold for Pineda?

D: I would imagine Michael Pineda will have a long and successful career unless Manny Ramirez comes back and beats him violently with a bat to see if he’s filled with candy.

R: Erik Bedard has been riddled with injuries for the better part of his career, prompting many to speculate his best days are behind him. However, he’s shown a return to form in 2011 after nearly 18 months out of the game. What’s the cause for his resurgent success?

D: I dunno. Rest? I mean, maybe he just needed to take a big chunk of time off to get fully healthy. It always bumps me when people act like a player who accumulates a bunch of injuries over his career is “plagued” by them, or has “the injury bug,” like some mystical force has infiltrated the player’s very being. Sometimes dudes who play sports get hurt. And sometimes they rush back too fast so idiots don’t start thinking they’re “soft,” and they end up re-injuring themselves (or injuring something else while overcompensating). And sometimes coincidences or the stars or whatever just line up wrong for them once in a while.

That said, I fully expect his arm to fly off at the elbow and helicopter into the opposing dugout the next time he throws a slider.

R: Ichrio is hitting .262, which is the lowest his batting average has ever been this far into a season. In addition to an atypically cold bat, he’s made more than a few uncharacteristic defensive mistakes in the field. Is it possible that this could mark the beginning of the end for the perennial all-star?

D: It certainly could be, but I’d like to take this opportunity to talk about something else. Why do only foreign players get to put their first names on their uniforms? Like, Ichiro’s name is “Ichiro Suzuki,” or in the NBA, Nuggets’ center Nene was “Nene Hilario” when he was first drafted (I remember this because I found his name almost as entertaining as I now find Bismack Biyambo’s). But after a year or two, both made the switch to the first name on the back of the jersey thing.

Now, I’m no xenophobe. More power to them. I just wonder why American born players don’t, or can’t, do this. I’d shell out good money for a “Roy 34″ or “Dom 9″ shirsey. And why stop there? If you’re gonna let players pick whether they want their first or last name on their jersey, why not let them use their middle names, or a nickname, or a pseudonym, or their favorite dinosaur?

What I’m getting at is this: I would really like to see a professional athlete with “VELOCIRAPTOR” stretched across the back of their jersey.

R: With the Mariners hovering right above .500, the AL West looks like it could be a three- or maybe even four-team race. Handicap the M’s odds to win the division.

D: (*bashes the M’s odds to win the division in the kneecaps with a baseball bat*) Boom. Handicapped.

Well… That didn’t exactly go according to plan. But it’s too late to do anything else about it. Sorry, guys. Go Phils.
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JC Romero DFA’ed Thu, 16 Jun 2011 20:10:29 +0000 Ryan

Immediately following the Phillies 3-0 win over the Florida Marlins, news was released that JC Romero has been designated for assignment and sent down to AAA Lehigh Valley. Vance Worley has been recalled.

(Big ups to’s Todd Zolecki.)

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