As mentioned yesterday, Carlos Ruiz is profiled in the current edition of Sports Illustrated. The story has hit the web and trust me when I say you need to drop whatever you’re doing and read this right now. It’s equal parts hilarious, heartbreaking, hopeful, and, uh, hinspirational.
Read it on SI.com (or a newsstand, I guess) or check out some choice excerpts after the jump. But seriously, I’m not screwing around here, read the goddamned article.
Last night’s impromptu Home Run Derby Live Chat was an absolute friggin’ riot so we’re gonna do it again for the All-Star Game. Grab your mind-altering substance of choice and join us at 7:45 PM as we all get fucked up and talk about everything except the actual All-Star Game. Who knows, maybe we can land ourselves on another Big League Stew post tomorrow!
Click Here to launch the chat in a new window, or hit the jump to use the embedded chat window.
The PHL 17 cameras captured this tender moment between Wilson Valdez and Brian Schneider during Sunday’s route of the Braves. Adorable.
According to Mark Zuckerman of Nats Insider, The Nationals have inked former Phils left-hander JC Romero to a AAA deal. He’ll be playing in Syracuse with the Sky Chiefs until the Nats need him in the big leagues again.
I’m not really sure why Romero would turn down a minor league assignment from the Phillies only to turn around and accept one from the Nationals. Maybe he wanted to be with a team with a shot at the playoff– HAHAHAH I’m sorry, I couldn’t even get it out. I thought I could, but nope. HAHAHA
Cliff Lee would have would thrown a no-hitter last night if it weren’t for one complete dick of a beatwriter. The Inky’s Matt Gelb bucked tradition and violated the rule that you don’t talk about a no-hitter that’s in progress.
Gelb’s reaction to the angry responses he received was basically “Psh. Whatever, nerds.” And OF COURSE immediately after that, Marco Scutaro singled to break up the no-no in the sixth. In reaction, Twitter banded together to reveal all the other things that the one we affectionately refer to as the Koala spoiled:
I started things off. Not to toot my own horn, but I’m hilarious.
Loctastic is evidently making a very obtuse Die Hard reference or something.
7:05 PM on CSN and MLB Network
Cole Hamels (9-3, 2.51 ERA)
PHILLIES: I know, I know, I know. Look. Chris asked me to do this at the last minute. It sucks and I know, but it’s a place to talk shit on the game so who cares about what graphic is at the top? At least I had the courtesy to put some goddamned titties up there for youse. Also, Cole’s been pretty fucking good lately, hasn’t he?
Trevor Cahill (7-5. 3.24 ERA)
A’s: Cahill has been pretty f’ing good this season too, so this game seems like it should be another pitchers duel. Watch this thing end up being a slugfest. Either way, hopefully it’ll be more interesting that last night’s snoozer.
Anyway, in order to break down this A’s/Phillies series, I asked my friend Justin Klugh from That Ball’s Outta Here and Call to the Pen to answer the questionnaire that those lousy A’s bloggers were too high and mighty to fill out for me.
- Hope Moneyball trailer is halfway decent
- Use trailer to garner sympathy as poorest of the poor teams
- Allow other teams to lose out of pity
- Ignore fans disgusted with strategy reeking of cowardice
- Fire manager to penetrate national media
- Fail to use exposure for any real purpose
- Send Josh Willingham to DL for second try at national exposure
- Shit bed
- Spend winter wondering what all that was about
8:15 PM on PHL 17 and MLB Network
Roy Oswalt (4-5 3.38 ERA)
PHILLIES: Roy, I think you’re the man. You’ve been one of my favorite pitchers even since you were in Houston. But, man, I never know which Roy I’m gonna see when you show up these days. Please let Awesome Roy show up tonight? Pretty, pretty please?
Chris Carpenter (1-7, 4.47 ERA)
CARDINALS: Carpenter is having a down year, there’s no question about it. Sure, W-L isn’t an absolute indicator of talent, the Cardinals hitters shoulder some of the blame. In Carpenter starts, the Cards have scored an average of 3.65 runs so far this season. That’s not exactly a ton. However, the Phillies have scored an almost identical average of 3.68 runs in Cliff Lee’s starts, and he’s 8-5. So draw your own conclusions, I guess. Either way, this is a winnable game for the Phillies and a series sweep would be totally sweet with the rest of the NL East heating up.
Big ups to my man @_magowan for the Chris the Builder graphic.
8:15 PM on CSN and ESPN
CRIFF REE (7-5, 3.12 ERA)
PHILLIES: Well, that was a weird one last night. If you would have told me that around 9:30 that the Phillies would score ten runs in that game, I’d probably have punched you in the mouth for lying to me. But, you know, I’ll take it.
Kyle Lohse (7-3, 2.88 ERA)
CARDINALS: I hope the Phils hitters brought their pads after last night’s game. The five Cardinals relievers that pitched during the 8th inning plunked something like 83 consecutive batters. The Phils won the game, so I doubt there will be much lingering animosity, but if anybody else gets plunked things could get testy.
(heh heh… testy.)
- Crocks on The Unrecognized Revenge of Bill Hall
- Fred Flintstone on Open Game Thread: 7/15 Phillies at LOLMets
- Chooch on Sports Illustrated’s Profile of Chooch Will Make You Laugh; Cry.
- Kung Fu Fightins on Open Game Thread: 7/15 Phillies at LOLMets
- If you have nothing good to say say nothing on The Unrecognized Revenge of Bill Hall