Shane Victorino invited about 160 of his closest friends to Maui this weekend to take part in his inaugural golf outing which benefits the Aloha Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. His appropriately-named “A Round To Remember” was held at the Maui Prince Makena Resort Golf Course, and featured such celebrities as fellow Phillies Ryan Howard & Jimmy Rollins, MMA legend Chuck Liddell, and MLBer’s Kurt Suzuki (A’s) & Brandon League (Blue Jays).

Here’s a picture of the happy, collared participants. Is it just me, or does it look like Big Brown and the Flyin’ Hawaiian packed on the el-bee’s over the past month?:

Also on hand were ESPN’s Neil Everett, Maui councilman and father of the host, Michael Victorino, and PGAer Tadd Fujikawa.

Victorino chose to support the Alzheimer’s Association because his maternal grandmother, Olive Nakahashi, suffered from the disease. Like I said, I think that is awfully generous of Shane to donate his time to such a noble cause. No questions asked.

Victorino assists Alzheimer’s benefit | The Honolulu Advertiser

Lenny Dykstra was in court yesterday for something that I don’t quite understand involving an accounting firm that claimed was owed upwards of $138,000 from the former All-Star centerfielder. That’s obviously not what’s important here.

Before, during, and after the proceedings, Nails was a non-stop supply of entertaining quotes. Here’s a sampling (via NBC10):

When questioned about the allegations from Halcyon Jets that he bounced a $7,000 check earlier this month, sayeth The Dude:

“That’s my fuckin’ ashtray money, bro, I don’t even know if I flew on their plane.”

Assuming a member of the NY Post didn’t necessarily believe that Lenny was a rich man, he reiterated:

“See that purple label, bro? (pointing to the inside of his suit jacket) That’s seven large”

And what about his half-crazy antics and demeanor?

“I like to pretend I got hit by a lot of pitches.”

He also lamented the sight of a hunched-over elderly woman crossing the street.

“See that? I’m going to be walking like that. I crashed into too many walls.”

Finally, here’s what he said about the company suing him, DDK & Co.:

“They folded like Mitch Williams in the ninth. There was no case. There was nothing.”

Never change, Leonard. Never change.

Lenny Dykstra - Classy After All These Years | NBC10
Ex-Met Lenny Dykstra settles bill with accountants, then runs mouth | NY Daily News
LENNY GETS A WALK | NY Post

From the great Deadspin…

“It appears that the second best hitter in baseball gets around town. This chick, named Amanda, met Ryan in Vegas last weekend and the two proceeded to hit on each other all night. They were making out in the club, dirty dancing, and finally they concluded the night with some baby making. Sadly, Ryan didn’t realize that this chick is a 100% genuine jizz-jar cum-dumpster. Hopefully he didn’t catch the clap. Howard may not have gotten the hardware but my guess is he definitely got SOMETHING.

LOVE LIVE THE MANG!”

Although, I always spelled it “maing”

UPDATE: It seems as though a few angry e-mailers are confused with this post, so allow me to address a few things.

a.) What is in blockquotes above was not written by me. I personally don’t know Amanda and didn’t describe her as “a 100% genuine jizz-jar cum-dumpster.” Those would be the words, verbatim, (hence the blockquotes) of an e-mailer who sent it in to a much, much more popular site than mine called Deadspin.  And I’m sure “Amanda” (if that’s even her real name) is just a super girl.

b.) Again, I swiped the pic off of Deadspin. However, if it were sent to my inbox, I definitely would have posted it regardless if it was on another site first. It’s a great picture. I probably wouldn’t have reprinted the e-mail in it’s entirety, but since it was already out there, I might as well pass it along.

c.) That picture looks like a still from the first five minutes of every single episode of In The VIP that I have ever seen.  No, In The VIP is not on the Travel Channel, and yes, I’ve seen many.

Ryan Howard loves the MANG | Deadspin

When you’re searching for that must-have book to tell someone to pick up for you this holiday season, you can look no further than Phillies Confidential: The Untold Inside Story of the 2008 Champion Season.

Why? Because Sarge Matthews is the co-author.

The man with the bottomless fedora collection joined forces with Scott Lauber, esteemed Phillies scribe for the Wilmington News-Journal, to pen what I’m sure will be the inside scoopiest Phillies book to be released this year.

You can do like I did and pre-order that shit on Amazon today (link at the bottom of post), or wait until it comes out at your local Ye Olde Book Shoppe. Either way, I’m pretty sure a book filled with Sarge’s thoughts on the World Fucking Champions is what you would call a must read.

In the mean time, go check out Doc Goyne’s interview with Scott Lauber over at Balls, Sticks, & Stuff. Of course this was my favorite question:

Did Sarge ever let you try on one of his hats? Did you ever see him wear the same one twice?

No, Sarge didn’t let me try on any of his hats, but then, I never asked. Let’s just say fedoras aren’t my style. I certainly can’t pull off the look the way he does. I’m sure he doubled-up on the hats, but in all honesty, he has so many that it’s impossible to keep track. My favorite, without question, is his trucker cap with “Vote For Obama” on the front. It looks homemade, although I never asked where he got it.

I just don’t understand how you can hang out with Sarge for a few months and not even ask to try on one of his hats. I wouldn’t be able to fight the temptation.

BS&S.com Book Club Interview with Scott Lauber | Balls, Sticks, & Stuff

Photo borrowed from Flickr member ujima

BUY THE BOOK ↓

SPOTTED! Making his way through the crowded parade route is none other than Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 from the Halo series.  I’m sure this has nothing to do with the fact that the celebration coincided with Halloween:

SIGHTING! Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was also there, at 18th & Market, spreading the good word:

Photos provided by Flickr members Lana 182 and PhilliesNation, respectively.

Hip surgery…  HIP FUCKING SURGERY!

By way of Todd Zolecki’s “The Phillies Zone”

Chase Utley will have right hip surgery, and will miss the next four to six months.

The Phillies said in a news release that since the end of the World Series, Utley “has had several diagnostic studies in regards to right hip symptoms that he had during the 2008 season.” He has been evaluated by team physician Michael Ciccotti at the Rothman Institute at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital and Dr. Bryan Kelly at the Hospital for Special Surgery in New York.

The release said, “Based on the diagnostic studies and examinations, it has been recommended that Utley have surgery on his right hip, which is scheduled for next week. The procedure will be an arthroscopic evaluation with treatment of any labral or bony injury. The recovery will allow for the initiation of baseball activities between three and four months, however, the total recovery time may require four to six months.”

Four to six months means Utley could be back as early as the beginning of the season and as late as June.

Well, the Phillies just released Tadahito Iguchi, and [even though] Eric Bruntlett most likely won’t return is under team control for like 2 more years bro*…

Jason Donald it is! Who, might I add, tore the Arizona Fall League up this year.

Get well soon, Chase.

Our very own superstar hurler, Cole Hamels, recently teamed up with his fellow Survivor-loving, perfectly coiffed friend named Ethan Zohn to play a little fútbol and raise awareness for a good cause.  A few days ago in Philly, Zohn dribbled through town and brought his Grassroots Soccer foundation with him; whose mission is to use the power of soccer in the fight against AIDS in South Africa.

(Quick aside via Ethan’s blog: “Two years ago, I was invited to Cole’s wedding on New Years Eve in Missouri. Cole married Heidi Strobel. Heidi Strobel was on Survivor Amazon with my girlfriend Jenna Morasca. Jenna was a bride’s maid in the wedding.”) I thought you should know that information.

(Quick aside via me:  “Would you like to see Heidi & Jenna cuddling naked in the jungle?  I’ll take that as an emphatic “YES“) Not safe for work?

Zohn & co. are in the midst of a 500 mile dribble-a-thon which started on August 20th in Foxboro, Mass. and will conclude somewhere in Washington, D.C.  So Cole, who was quite the soccer player in high school, popped in to lend his support and talk about his soccer playing past:

“In high school I had to either pick soccer or baseball, and it was baseball, which I was lucky enough to go pro in,” said Hamels of his tough decision. “I always wanted to go pro in soccer, but it didn’t happen and that’s ok. I’ve always been a big fan of the LA Galaxy, and I always watch World Cup matches. I’m glad the US team is starting to do better.”

I think he made a wise choice.  The average MLS salary is somewhere around $125,000.  By the time his first arbitraion case is settled in a few months, he’ll probably make 500X that amount this season alone.

Hollywood also said he’s looking forward to the MLS team we’re getting in 2010:

“It’s very exciting,” said Hamels of the new soon-to-be Philadelphia MLS team. “I’ll be showing up to a few games, definitely. Soccer is a new sport to this city and I think it’ll do very well.”

Good man, that Cole Hamels.

Hamels The Soccer Fan Joins Grassroot Movement | Goal.com

Today, on November 19th, Phillies slugger and 2008 MVP runner-up Ryan Howard celebrates his 29th birthday. To honor this occasion, an assortment of entertainers from the music industry decided to film their own unique happy birthday messages via YouTube. Don’t ask me why, just watch.

First up is the abstract poetic, better known as Q-Tip from A Tribe Called Quest. Listen as the Queens native attempts to lure Big Brown to play for his home town squad Metros. Personally, I’m not too fond of this idea:

After the jump, two more videos wishing Howard a happy 29th from Dr. Jason Seaver’s crooner offspring and the Terror Squad’s in-house producer, DJ Khaled…

Read more »

How big is… Hitler?

Perhaps a heart-warming video of Pat Burrell from the parade will cheer you up after that? READ MORE!

Read more »

Out of the thirty-two ballots cast for the 2008 National League MVP, thirty-one of those had Ryan Howard’s name written somewhere on there. In case you’re no good at math, that means only one entry for MVP — which lists the candidates 1st through 10th, btw — felt Big Brown was not good enough this year to be voted as one of the top ten players in the NL.

Who in the world could possibly leave the MLB leader in home runs and RBI off of his ballot? Thanks to Todd Zolecki over at the Inqy, we have the answer.

Ladies and gentlemen, Rich Campbell:

Rich is an accomplished(?) writer (and blogger!) who covers the Washington Nationals for The Free Lance-Star;a publication printed in Fredericksburg, VA. If you have a moment, head on over to his personal page at Fredericksburg.com and take a gander at his fine work. As embarrassed as I am to admit this, I’ve never heard of Rich before this morning, but since we’ve been introduced, I’ve been in awe of the fantastic job he does on an almost-daily basis. First of all, he may be the hardest working man in print right now. Although there weren’t any of his articles on that site (like, zero), I couldn’t help but notice his work on that blog. In the past month alone, Rich has cranked out almost twenty entire blog posts! Slow down, big fella!

Off-hand, some of my favorites include the appropriately titled “Dude…” where Rich gives you wonderful play-by-play of a June 4th game (it doesn’t say who they were playing) where he “can’t get over” how bad it was raining and wonders why they just don’t cancel the game. Or who can forget his classic “Whole lotta news…” post where — in one day, mind you — Jon Rauch was traded, Christian Guzman resigned, and Ryan Zimmerman was activated from the DL. He seriously didn’t add anything else besides bullet-pointing those three facts, but did mention that he’ll, “try and get you more details on these.” How long must we wait, Rich!

I just felt I’d be doing a disservice by not introducing you to the fella that didn’t think Ryan Howard was a top 10 National Leaguer. Oooh, shit, I almost forgot — here’s his e-mail address:

rcampbell@freelancestar.com

If you wouldn’t mind, go through his archive and pick out your favorite post. Then write him a little e-mail thanking him for it. I think it would be a great gesture from his fans and would make Rich feel really good.

(Seriously, don’t send him demeaning e-mails. Just sarcastically compliment him on what a fine job he does at the Lance-Star and don’t even mention Ryan Howard. And please CC [no Sabathia] me on that e-mail and I might just re-print the best written, kindest e-mails.)

To see Rich’s ballot, I’m gonna have to politely ask you to click below.

Read more »

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