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Posted by at 12:58 pm ET 153 Comments

Syracuse student Bill Mich hit the Syracuse Chiefs game for class this weekend. The Chiefs are the AAA affiliate of the Washington Nationals, so you know what that means:

In case you guys can still find some humor in good ol’ Eric Bruntlett, I saw him this weekend leading off for the Syracuse Chiefs.  I was reporting on the game for my sports class at Syracuse, so I filmed the game.  Our boy, Bearded Bruntlett, leads off for the Chiefs and had a homer in the game.  Also, there is a postgame interview with Eric offering some pretty top notch baseball insight about getting hits.

That tater was mashed off of Rob Delaney of the Rochester Red Wings, which instantly makes him the front-runner for worst pitcher in the International League. The funniest part is the first question and answer, about how it feels to “get that first home run out of the way”. Like he just snapped out of his power slump. But who gives a shit, that beard still looks beautiful.


Vive la France! Reading Phillies pitcher Phillipe Aumont, aka the best prospect we got from Seattle in the Cliff Lee deal, was named Eastern League Pitcher of the Week by the MILB. In two games last week, he pitched 11 innings, gave up 1 earned run, struck out 9, and walked 2, including six innings of no-hit ball Sunday against Richmond. So take that, Cliff dwellers. It’s not like the middle of our order has shit the bed or anything this year! []

Posted by at 8:35 pm ET 11 Comments

Another week, another shitton of shit that I notice.

  • The Phillies played .500 ball this week. 3-3. Didn’t see that one coming, amirite?
  • In 7 of their 8 wins, the Phils have scored 7 or more runs. They scored only 2 in one win- Halladay’s CG vs Houston.
  • In their 4 losses, they’ve scored 5 runs or less. (5, 5, 1, 0).
  • In their last two games, the Marlins have held the Phillies to a total of one run. The last time they were held to one total run through two games? The first two after WFC, against Atlanta, at the Bank. So chill the fuck out.
  • The Mets scored zero runs in 18 innings against the Cardinals- in a single game- and ended up winning, 2-1, in 20.
  • In 6 games against the Phillies, the Washington Nationals went 2-4 and gave up 50 runs. In 6 games against the Mets and Brewers (combined), the Nats went 4-2 and gave up only 27 runs. Go figure. They’re 2 games out.
  • The Phillies have been in first place through all 12 games of the season so far. That’s the longest stay in first to start a season…since…(gulp)…1964. Too bad they didn’t finish like they started.
  • Juan Castro (23 PA) and Raul Ibanez (51 PA) both have 7 hits. Castro has 6 RBIs, Ibanez has 5. (Jayson Werth also has only 6 RBIs, which is sort of unbelievable because he’s hitting .341).
  • During Cole’s masterpiece (loss) Sunday, via beater Matt Gelb, he became the first Phillies starter NOT named Harry Leroy Halladay III to last into the 7th inning this season.
  • Chase Utley hit five home runs in four games this week, which has turned into five home runs in six games, which is the same thing he did in the World Series. So, between the playoffs and regular season, Chase Utley has had a stretch of 5 home runs in 6 games twice in the past 18 games.
  • As of 7:00 tonight, the Phillies and Mets have inverse records. 8-4, 4-8.
  • Phillies bench players (when not making start): 1/18, or .056. Phillies pitchers: 7/28, or .250. The lone pinch-hit: a Ross Gload single during the loss in Washington.

That’s it for this week’s edition. Hopefully there’ll be more shit like, “Ryan Howard hit 12 homers this week, the most in a week since he hit 14 last week” in next next week’s post.

Posted by at 4:44 pm ET 47 Comments

I have figured out what the guy that threw up on that 11-year-old girl yesterday was listening to.

Scott Stapp, former(?) lead singer of the hipster-proclaimed ‘Worst Band Not Named Nickelback’, Creed, made this video for the Marlins. Not as a little tribute to his favorite team, but (this is the part where you think about those 81 Marlins home games you’ll never, ever have to go to each year) AS THEIR 2010 GAME INTRODUCTION VIDEO. This is definitely the first and worst Creed-related MLB anthem ever created.

Can’t wait to see if the Marlins WILLLL, SOAAAARRRRRRRRRR!! this weekend!


Straight from thekdotcom‘s listening ears over at our favorite all-ladies Phils blog, Chicks Dig The Long Ball, the lyrics:

Let’s play ball, it’s game day
We want strikeouts, base hits, double plays
Take the field, hear the roar of the crowd
Come on Marlins, make us proud (x2)

Keep hoping and dreaming and you…will soar!
With a little faith and love, you will soar!

One strike, two strikes, swing away
A diving catch, a stolen base
A perfect game, a triple play
Another playoff race – YES!
World Series champs we’ll be!

Keep hoping and dreaming and you…will soar!
With a little faith and love, you will soar!
Keep hoping and dreaming and you…will soar!

The inspiration for the Marlins’ decision to use Scott Stapp for their intro:

Posted by at 2:02 pm ET 28 Comments

I mean, we *do* sponsor his Baseball-Reference page.

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Posted by at 12:12 pm ET 28 Comments

Yesterday, the Phillies celebrated their World Series loss with a ring ceremony to honor the National League Champs. And damn, for not being champs, they are some beautiful mufuggin’ rings. (And yes, I AM thankful to be NL Champions.)

One of the new  members of the Phils, future temporary replacement for an injured closer David Herndon, decided to take a video of the proceedings from the home dugout. I figure he took it with a Flipcam, and I figure he took it for the Phillies, who posted it on their twitter account about an hour into the game:

Posted by at 10:54 am ET 133 Comments

As we approach Week 2 of the MLB season, and our much anticipated home opener (on the anniversary of the CBP opening), let’s have a look at some of the gawdy, and sometimes less-gawdy, numbers and other shits the Phils have put up on their way to 5-1.

  • Ryan Howard isn’t starting slowly this year. A lifetime .252 hitter in April and May, BOOM! is hitting .357 with 3 dingers, 3 doubles, a triple, and 10 RBIs. And he only has 4 strikeouts, with 3 of them coming in Sunday’s game against Houston.
  • The 1- and 2-hole hitters in the lineup, Rollins and Polanco, have an on-base % of .516 and .500, respectively. Not only that, in only 6 games, Jimmy Rollins has 7 (SEVEN!) walks. I dunno what Roy Halladay said, but I figure he told him how to be patient at the plate while saving third world countries- during his opening day start. Speaking of that Godly human being…
  • 2 GS, 2-0, 0.56 ERA, 1 ER, 17 K, 2 BB, 1 CG. I don’t give a shit if it’s the Nationals and Astros, the point of writing this was to write that. Shit is dope.
  • Jamie Moyer and Kyle Kendrick combined to give up 10 runs in 10 innings in their first starts. Feel better, Joe Blanton.
  • The Phillies (starting lineup) is 1st in the NL in Runs, Hits, Batting Average, On-base %, Slugging %, and obviously OPS. Basically, yes, they’re first in offense.
  • The expectedly bad part: Phillies pitchers: 4/16, 2 RBI. Phillies bench: 1/12, 0 RBI. Brian Schneider, Gregg Dobbs, Ben Francisco, and Ross Gload (RIP Gloaded Cock) need to get their shit together for the Phillies to win close games on a consistent basis. Might as well just leave the pitchers in to bat for themselves. And why the FUCK has Schneider started 2 games already?
  • Roy Halladay has a better batting average (.283) than RAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL (.250)  and Shane Victorino (.185).
  • Speaking of those Shane and RAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL characters, why the fuck is everybody jumping on RAUUUUUUUUUUL’s dick and cutting it with a swiss knife? All I hear (on the tweets) is ‘blah, blah, blah, RAUL SUCKS BRING UP DOM BROWN BLAH BLAH OMG HE HIT SOMETHING WOWZERS!’. And, admittedly, it was me for awhile. And, admittedly, I want Dom Brown on this team worse than I want Cliff Lee back. But as much as we love him when he’s not being a doucher, Shane Victorino is sucking a much bigger nutsack than RAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL. Vic’s hitting 65 points lower, has half the walks, and only has one XBH (a homerun). Yes, RAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL has an error, but fuck that. Shane better hit CBP like it’s Chuck Lidell’s mom in a UFC ring.
  • Mr. October, The Beard Formerly Known As Jayson Werth’s Beard, and CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH are also playing well.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed this bulleted list of little nuggets and stats and stuff that will, for all intensive purposes, mean absolutely nothing as far as the rest of the season is concerned (except that god awful bench). (And Roy Halladay). But don’t you love looking at stats when they’re below-1.00, or above-.500? THE PHILLIES ARE SOO GOOD.

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Posted by at 11:15 pm ET 17 Comments

As the home opener slowly comes forth upon our waiting souls, the Phillies and ARAMARK© decided to ask the members and manager of the Fightins (sadly, not us) about their favorite concessions at the ballpark.

Shane Victorino was first to be interrogated, and he made a fine choice.

“I have to give it to The Bull,” center fielder Shane Victorino said of the popular pulled pork sandwich found at Bull’s BBQ, named after former Phillies slugger Greg “The Bull” Luzinski. “That stuff is good.”

But don’t fret, Tony Luke’s and Campo’s junkies: He had good things to say about Tony’s chicken cheesesteak (delicious), and Campo’s ‘Heater’, which he apparently had trouble to eat without dying or speaking Spanish

“This thing is en fuego,” Victorino said.

Mr. Manuel agreed with the Hawaiian, and went on to put his thoughts on food the way you would expect him to:

“The ribs they have at Bull’s are good, and I eat at Tony Luke’s quite a bit,” Manuel said. “Really, what don’t I like?”

I doubt anything except for those dry, crunchless embarrassments known as Chicken Fingers. Even the sauce sucks. But Placido Polanco’s forehead went that and did his cold food thang:

…Polanco singled out Planet Hoagie as his favorite Ashburn Alley option, choosing the turkey, lettuce and Swiss cheese hoagie for its healthy appeal.

Now that is how you stay in shape, people. It’s also how you have a bad taste in food, so be careful. And of course, as we all know, Crabfries are the best food at the Bank. That, and hopefully after this year, our new signature hot dog:

Philly Insider Michael Klein scooped The South Philly’s victory Thursday morning, garnering 46% of the vote. It blew away the pretzel-rolled Summer Hot Dog (32%), and the apparently unaffected-by-my-push Olde Philadelphia dog (22%).

The South’s an all beef with broccoli rabe, spicy roasted peppers, and sharp provie on an Italian roll. The more I think about it, the more it sounds delicious. What’s not delicious: it’ll run ya $5.75. Needless to say, it might be a second choice (along with everything else) on Dollar Dog Nights.

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Posted by at 2:59 pm ET 21 Comments

Well, will you look who it is? Before the Nats-Phils series closer, MASN’s spectacular features reporter Debbi Taylor interviewed ex-Phillie and current Gnat, Tyler Walker.  Why? Nobody knows. But the results were both intentionally and unintentionally hilarious:

I think the nickname “The Gobbler” puts the Nationals on top of the list of Teams With The Shittiest Nicknames, as Adam Dunn is known as “Big Donkey”, and Josh Willingham has somehow been bestowed with “Hammer”, the same nickname as Hank Aaron. Since Josh killed the Phillies while Tyler was here, I’m guessing The Gobbler likes to throw the Hammer down on the Big Donkey. Ya know, as revenge.

Even funnier was the end, when Gobbler tried to trick people into thinking the Nationals’ ‘country club-esque’ facilities will draw free agents to the club. I would use the thought of playing in front of allll those Phillies fans to woo perspective free agents to D.C. It must be exciting!

Photo via my favorite new ladies-perspective Phils blog, Chicks Dig The Long Ball.

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Posted by at 7:55 pm ET 38 Comments

Former Phillies outfielder (and one of my favorite Phillies of all time) Doug Glanville has just been announced as the latest MLB vet to join ESPN as a baseball analyst, per an ESPN press release. Glanville will contribute to Baseball Tonight, and ESPN: The Magazine, starting later this month. He offers instant credibility to the network as he is 4x better than the last four ex-MLBers to be hired; Nomar Garciaparra, Aaron Boone, J.P. Ricciardi (thanks again!), and Bobby Valentine. What a bunch of BITCHES!

Not only is Dougie Fresh an ex-player, but he served on the Executive Subcommittee of the Major League Baseball Players Association while playing. And in the past few years, he was an Op-Extra columnist for The New York Times. He has a book coming out, The Game from Where I Stand – A Ballplayer’s Inside View, to be released in early May.


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R.I.P Harry Kalas