You can break out all the statistics and history you want to shoot me down, but Joe Beimel should be a Phillie. This is why:

Strictly from a blogger’s perspective, a series of videos with troyfromwestvirginia in a Beimel Phillies jersey and red ballcap for even just a season would be a gift from the baseball gods. Well, maybe one of the minor baseball gods. Not a strong enough argument? Joe Beimel also looks a little bit like Gene Ween, which is kind of cool:

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The purpose of this new, exclusive The Fightins dot com feature is to foster a rivalry between the Phillies beat writers by keeping a running tally of who scoops who on Twitter; highlight my favorite articles each week by these writers; and last, but not least, to make it all into a year-long dick joke. You can play along by reading their tweets in this convenient list.

Let’s start the first beat-off session with a look at the current players and their scores:

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Don’t fack with Chan Ho Park.

“The suit claims Park loaned Kreuter $460,000 in October 2005 to be repaid a year later with interest. Park alleges Kreuter paid back $290,000 in April 2007 and the unpaid balance has grown, with interest, to $281,869.73 as of Dec. 1.”

Hey, Chan Ho! Don’t ever lend 460,000 of anything (let alone our weak-ass national fiat currency) to anyone. If you fail to heed my sound advice, make sure that when you get the promissory note signed, witnessed and notarized, that it’s on paper that is safe for septic systems.

What’s going to happen is this: dude won’t pay you back like promised, you’re going to sue, AP will pick up the story, and some smart-ass on the internet is going to open his Google Reader a week after the story has gone cold. Once this happens, he will use this as an opportunity to tell you to get your head out of your ass and re-sign with the Phillies as a reliever.

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Special thanks to dmac for the source video.

Did you know that Charlie Manuel has decided to move Jimmy Rollins to second base? Neither did anyone else. We all probably should have seen it coming.

First Mike Freeman, and now Jon Paul Morosi. It seems as though folksy country sweetheart Charlie Manuel is charming the pants off the national media.

Some highlights from Morosi’s Saturday piece on FOXSports.com, where he got some good thoughts from past & present colleagues, after the jump:

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It’s like waiting for Christmas, I swear. Hoping the Yankees can finish off the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, CA, United States of America, North America, Earth tonight. I want to see a rested CC get whooped. Anything less, and you know we’ll just hear more ‘fluke’ talk. I want their best at their best.

By the way, don’t expect a World Series win to gain the Phillies any respect. Crack open SI’s Baseball Preview next March, and expect to see the Mets or the Braves picked to finish 1st in the NL East for 2010. They’ll pick the Dodgers or the Yankees to win it all, too. Don’t get mad, don’t bellyache or whine about it, it’s a good thing. It’s what we should want as fans, and I’m fairly certain the guys in the clubhouse feel the same way.

Our slogan should be Ruin Your Fun. It feels good to bitch-slap the doubters.

So I’ve found some interesting stuff pertaining to the Phillies while bouncing around. Thought I’d share it with you people (that’s right, I said it). After the jump, of course. And there will be pictures, I promise.

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Hat tip to PJ Gillam.

I saw this guy after Manny’s circuit clout, but just thought he was making a stupid face because he was, you know, stupid. I love the moment where his “O” face goes from happy to horrified. I imagine he had a similar look on his face when he first saw Ibañez’s 8th-inning bomb. This morning. On ESPN.

A special ‘thanks’ to dmac at Walkoff Walk for the source video. Also, a hearty ‘much obliged’ to dmac at Philadelphia Will Do.

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